Friday November 23 2012
Mock the Quotes: Pato’s request

Let Susy Campanale round up the week’s daftest statements, including Alexandre Pato’s demands, Silvio Berlusconi’s push-ups and Massimo Moratti’s refereeing exorcism.

“Milan are doing well and Stephan El Shaarawy is doing well, but I want to play. We’ll see what to do with my agent.”

Don’t refer to your representative, Alexandre Pato – ask the gaggle of doctors who have failed to cure your endless injuries

“I did 72 push-ups this morning and I feel like a 35-year-old.”

Doesn’t Silvio Berlusconi usually prefer them younger than that?

“After 26 years of caviar and champagne, patience is needed.”

Or possibly an indigestion cure, Berlusconi

“I expect Chelsea, who have important forwards, to attack. They are not a team who sit back and hit you on the counter-attack.”

Did Angelo Alessio not watch any of their Champions League-winning campaign?!

“For the last three games in a row we have been penalised. Fortunately, we won in Turin thanks to the grace of God anyway.”

Massimo Moratti considers an exorcism against referees 

“Last season we suffered the worst refereeing mistake and we caused a bit of trouble, but not that much…”

It’s not as if Adriano Galliani is still going on about it or anything...

“If only somebody put together a dossier of situations that went in their own favour…”

Roberto Donadoni can get that by putting together a database of everyone else’s dossiers

“Thank you for the compliments and the insults. If a half-penalty foul hits the front pages of the newspapers then it means that the playing side of the game continues to be in the backdrop. That’s a real shame. At this point, maybe I should commit a few more little fouls.”

At least they’d distract from Davide Astori scoring the first own goal of the season

“Calcio Catania do not intend to reply to comments that speak for themselves and would like to point out that verbal violence, vulgarity and insults are no longer part of our club.”

Not now ex-director Pietro Lo Monaco has gone to Palermo...

“I didn’t offend anyone, let alone could my comments be considered verbal violence or vulgarity. However, I consider Catania’s statement to be pathetic, pointless and absolutely demented.”

Lo Monaco’s response rather proved Catania’s point

“It is only natural that seeing as I am responsible for this team, I have to answer for the results, but for the most part our defeats have been down to distraction.”

So Zdenek Zeman ultimately answers for his players, but pins the blame on them too

“I have never put a player up for sale, but if an indecent proposal was made to me then I could think about it.”

Nobody could be worth that, Claudio Lotito…

“I’ve seen that shot again 100 times and every time I don’t know how I wasn’t able to stop it.”

At least Christian Abbiati now understands why Galliani hurled insults at him from the stands

 “Roma wanted to win at all costs, even with subterfuge. It was like simulating to win a penalty or scoring a goal with your hand and not admitting it.”

Or inviting fans to a game that was behind closed doors, eh Massimo Cellino?

“I didn’t see the opening goal. I was talking to the cycling legend Eddy Merckx, there was a queue of people and I couldn’t get back to my seat in time. I didn’t see Pato’s goal either, as I was already hiding in the locker room. Basically I didn’t see anything! To be honest, I didn’t see the Anderlecht goal, as whenever they put a dangerous cross in, I turn away and get my son to give me commentary!”

Why does Galliani even go to the stadium?

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