Friday February 8 2013
Mock the Quotes: It’s affectionate!

It seems everything from racist comments to spitting at your car can be considered ‘affectionate’ in calcio, as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s daftest statements.

“People love me in Palermo; they stop me in the street and urge me to stay. You’re going to get the odd person spitting at your car, but it ends there.”

President Maurizio Zamparini saw them as airborne globules of affection

“Roma’s results have been disappointing, but there’s no need to be surprised. Zdenek Zeman and Franco Baldini are what they are. They proved it again this year.”

Luciano Moggi knows revenge is a dish best served cold and with a large side order of sour grapes

“Retire? They’d have to shoot me first.”

Zeman should not give Moggi ideas

“When they decided to hire Zeman, they knew his strengths and weaknesses.”

Carlo Mazzone says you can’t have spectacular football with only one team scoring

“The players count 100 per cent, and the system counts for nothing.”

New Roma Coach Aurelio Andreazzoli count not be less Zeman-like

“Considering Zamparini’s usual habits, I think he resisted quite a long time before firing me.”

Gian Piero Gasperini sees the glass half-full

“This season Zamparini has been very quiet – he only changed Coach once!”

Stefano Colantuono speaks from bitter experience

“I will always remember training with my teammates in Manchester, and the matches. The rest though, I will not miss.”

Mario Balotelli admits he’ll miss the playful wrestling matches with Roberto Mancini, then

“Balotelli had already understood my phrase was an affectionate one that was turned into a stupid media circus.”

Paolo Berlusconi then invited Mario to a revival of the Black and White Minstrel Show to celebrate

“There's one difference between Mario and I – he probably likes being in the paper, whereas I don't. But I've done worse things in my life. I left training, I drove my car on to the pitch – you name it, I did it.”

Antonio Cassano reveals why Balotelli has that camouflage car – so he can drive it on to the pitch without being caught

“I am not concerned about Mario's reputation – the English media are more invasive than the Italian Press.”

And, notes Adriano Galliani, less obsessed with bibs and boobs

“The President did not have to do much to convince me, because I have always thanked anyone who picks up the phone to call me.”

Alberto Malesani admits he’s just lonely

“Malesani is not a saviour. He just came here to bring a sense of calm to the environment.”

Zamparini lowers expectations to below sea level

“Finding a tense atmosphere when I got here wasn’t a problem, seeing as I’m a barrel of laughs!”

Nobody can resist Davide Ballardini’s Sean Connery impressions

“Now we are in the battle for the Scudetto and finally the opponents are revealing themselves, so we are not just challenging our own records. It’s much more fun this way.”

Gigi Buffon reveals Juve threw their matches to make it a fair title fight...

“When I was still a boy, Inter were winning lots of trophies.”

Mateo Kovacic is too young to remember the Nerazzurri’s lost decade of mediocrity

“We worked on Diego Fabbrini in the dark? We were waiting on the river bank for the corpse to pass.”

Palermo general manager Pietro Lo Monaco used a little local parlance to describe the transfer

“The decision was very doubtful. But it was a pleasure for all Milan fans to get the decision. We have been due a decision this season though.”

President Silvio Berlusconi also believes he should win the lottery every week

“Italian referees are the best in the world.”

Andreas Granqvist is just trolling Juventus fans now...

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