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Saturday April 13 2013
Mock the Quotes: Magic Mirko

Mirko Vucinic in a strip show, Massimo Moratti in a Dan Brown novel and Giuseppe Sannino in Rocky Horror as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s silliest statements.

“It was spontaneous. I felt like it and I did it.”

Mirko Vucinic had been watching Magic Mike before whipping off his shorts in Turin

“It is now clear there is a pre-written script with a planned ending, which is that Milan invested heavily and therefore have to reach the Champions League. It is obvious. These decisions were certainly made beforehand.”

TV presenter and Inter fan Paolo Bonolis has discovered the Da Moratti Code – which is just as believable as any tosh Dan Brown comes up with

“I no longer believe in the good faith of the referees.”

Massimo Moratti swears Luciano Moggi was lurking in the halls of San Siro that night

“I don’t think Gervasoni made a mistake. I think he took the responsibility upon himself by seeing something that did not happen. He took the responsibility for an event that did not exist.”

Andrea Stramaccioni wants referees tested for hallucinogenic drugs

“My father asked me after the game if I was drunk, so I think he was harsher than Franz Beckenbauer!”

Combine the two and Gigi Buffon performed like a drunk pensioner in Munich

“I spoke to Tagliavento and we made a bet that whoever was wrong about the Tomovic incident would buy the other dinner.”

Vincenzo Montella knows revenge is a dish best served on the other person’s credit card

“Don’t forget I was there in Istanbul when Milan were 3-0 up against Liverpool and we were convinced we’d be lifting the Champions League trophy. It ended 3-3 and we lost on penalties. I was there in La Coruna, when after a 4-1 first leg victory we lost 4-0 to Deportivo. Therefore, Juventus must be convinced that we can do this.”

Andrea Pirlo’s tales would’ve been more inspiring if he hadn’t been on the losing side

“I had given my players some advice on how to take penalties, but they didn’t follow it!”

Walter Mazzarri drew a little diagram with the ball going into the net

“I just cannot believe Taribo West took 12 years off his age. His running, shooting and closing down was that of a man in his 20s.”

And, adds Gigi Simoni, his tactical nous that of a nine-year-old down the park

“West was not an important player for me. He was so uncoordinated he’d fall over and we all laughed. He then went to Milan, I can’t figure out why. You’d have to ask Milan why they signed him....”

Former Inter Coach Mircea Lucescu reveals Taribo was good for morale as a football version of Mr Bean

“We were not useless before and we are not phenomenons now.”

Delio Rossi enjoys a steady level of mediocrity

“How do we contain Edinson Cavani? Perhaps the only way would be to hope he doesn’t play at all!”

Genoa boss Davide Ballardini resorted to Plan B: Just make him take penalties

“It is truly shameful that Cagliari don’t have their own stadium. In my home town of Nettuno they are fixing the local pitch, so we could go and play there!”

Daniele Conti will have to negotiate for Sunday afternoon games, as the pub team has to use the field

“I have been playing football for 18 years and I can tell you one thing: It’s not easy being Gianluigi Buffon!”

The goalkeeper really understands where Kermit is coming from

“We still have the Sword of Damocles hanging over our heads.”

That ain’t no lie, Giuseppe Sannino... And, may we add, sha la la la that ain’t no crime

“Cavani is a great player. However, I do not believe that he is worth €63m on the transfer market. That’s just my opinion, an honest one. Perhaps he’s worth about half of that figure.”

Don’t ask Zvonimir Boban what Fernando Torres is worth, then

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