“Why did you put a banana split on your head?”
Antonio Nocerino asks newly-blond Kevin-Prince Boateng the hard-hitting questions during a Google+ Hangout
“I’d learn the Siena club anthem off by heart if they managed to stop Milan!”
And Vincenzo Montella would dance Gangnam Style while singing it
“Do you know how much of a racist Sepp Blatter is? Can’t you see how he looks us up and down? Don’t you remember that when we won the World Cup he didn’t want to hand us the trophy? What do you call someone who detests Italians?”
Didn’t Maurizio Zamparini also see the FIFA President turn down a plate of spaghetti? What more proof do you want?!
“When you win, you’re treated like a hero, while a defeat turns you into a loser.”
You can’t fault Zamparini’s logic
“I’ve only done 50 per cent of what I could have done, I’ve always found a way to not train in a professional manner.”
Antonio Cassano ironically worked harder at finding ways to be lazy than he did to play football
“They did not whistle Mario Balotelli because of his skin colour, but his attitude. He can be controversial at times.”
Which, Zdenek Zeman, would be logical if all they’d done was whistle...
“My players must always look forward and see la vie en rose, like the colour of our shirts, taking away that grey that is making everyone depressed recently.”
What colour is Serie B, Giuseppe Sannino?
“I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I do know that when President Silvio Berlusconi gets something into his head, he rarely changes his mind.”
Unless, adds Massimo Ambrosini, a pretty girl walks by, in which case his mind goes blank
“I also tell club Presidents: don’t look at my birth certificate, because that doesn’t reflect my real age.”
Giovanni Trapattoni’s age can only be confirmed by cutting him open and counting the rings
“I wanted to say goodbye to my team-mates, but people wouldn't take my calls. I tried to reach Ivan Cordoba, but a club official told me some bull**** about tomorrow being a difficult day for me to go in and say goodbye. The message was clear. I wasn’t welcome anymore.”
Diego Forlan realised the game was up when he rang the doorbell and spotted the Inter players crouching behind the sofa
“I see my future at Udine, as this is my natural habitat.”
Francesco Guidolin will be the subject of David Attenborough’s next series
“Moratti is in love with Stramaccioni and I don’t understand why.”
Alessandro ‘Spillo’ Altobelli is not jealous, honest...
“If you had told me as a young boy I would have played for and won trophies with my boyhood club Manchester United, proudly captained and played for my country over 100 times and lined up for some of the biggest clubs in the world, I would have told you it was a fantasy.”
If you had told young David Beckham he’d be starring for LA Galaxy, he’d have said ‘Who?’