“Envy is the weakness of man and people of poor souls feel pain seeing others in Serie A.”
Yes, Lazio youth player Joseph Minala, everyone is jealous of your not-remotely-youthful looks....
“I’ve always been very direct with my Presidents. For example, I once told Aurelio De Laurentiis that I knew as much about cinema as he did about football.”
We’re starting to realise why Roberto Donadoni has been fired so often
“Seedorf will become a good Coach. He has always been a leader on the pitch, he’s always wanted to teach everyone everything. Kaka told me Clarence understands the players well but I knew that anyway, we lived in the same house for a year-and-a-half!”
Roberto Carlos implies there’s a fine line between educational and annoying
“Every time he was in the bathroom it would be for three hours doing his hair with a horrible gel! It was unbearable!”
Perhaps it was Roberto Carlos who suggested Seedorf’s new ‘minimal’ hairstyle...
“Kaka was not able to start, as he has gastroenteritis, didn’t train for two days and lost 3kg in three days. How did he lose so much weight? Use your imagination! Especially with his name...”
Milan assistant manager Mauro Tassotti gives us far more information than we needed or wanted to know
“If I was running a Fiat 500 in Italy, now I have the chance to run a Ferrari. I want to forget about Cagliari now. My heart is with Leeds.”
What would Massimo Cellino call Real Madrid: a galaxy class starship?
“We do not feel abandoned by President Cellino.”
Cagliari Coach Diego Lopez sits at the dinner table clutching a Valentine’s card, thinking he will come back soon
“I remember in the 2010 Champions League Final Lucio ran out of defence with the ball to feet. Mourinho told him: ‘Do that again and I’ll kill you!’”
Marco Materazzi highlights the man-management skills Jose is so famous for
“Obviously I hope some of the Roma players get injured or out of shape before the derby!”
Edy Reja jokes Lazio’s best tactic is to whip out the voodoo doll
“If a Coach says these things publicly, then what can he say in the locker room? That he wants to break our legs or kill someone?”
Rudi Garcia can’t take a joke – or a swift crowbar to the knee
“I haven’t slept for a week because I’ve been studying Roma. I’d love to trip them up.”
More violent imagery from Reja! Will he never stop?!
“I think that at the moment with the results Roma are getting they are punching above their weight.”
And after that comment will be eager to punch Lazio President Claudio Lotito too
“Miroslav Klose felt the derby very intensely, so I told him to go fishing for a day to relax.”
Perhaps Reja should’ve sent him to on an archery course to improve his aim instead
“I made Rafa Benitez the Coach when he offered me breakfast in London.”
De Laurentiis fell for that old line...
“As I wrote in my letter to Honorary President Massimo Moratti, us Inter fans want to give something back. To cultivate the dream of being back at the top and staying at that level, we must pool our resources and donate them to the club.”
Professor Enzo Bonora suggests crowdfunding, perhaps similar to selling tickets for a game or vastly over-charging for merchandise
“For example, if you leave a pizzeria and have spent €30, you’re not always necessarily happy. In football when your team wins, it brings out joy in its purest state. Why stop us dreaming?”
Because, Professor Bonora, a bad pizza doesn’t make you want to punch a wall
“I use the stick method when things are going well and the carrot when they are going badly.”
Either way, Sinisa Mihajlovic treats his players like donkeys
“Every time I see Walter Mazzarri’s Press conferences I have this doubt: Is he really such an idiot or does he just think we all are?”
Parma team manager Sandro Melli uses Facebook for the great philosophical debates of our age
“There are too many foreigners on the field, they do not understand the culture, nor the history. We have to transmit to them the culture and respect for the rules that perhaps in their countries are applied more lightly.”
President of the Referees’ Association Marcello Nicchi forgets Italians are the first to ignore rules in any walk of life, but especially in football
“I read that John Elkann, returning from a long weekend, made comments on a subject he notoriously knows nothing about: the world of work and businesses that run successfully. I invite him to visit my business. He could even remain for an apprenticeship, seeing as he has a lot of free time. That way he’d learn what it means to actually work.”
Diego Della Valle suggests being an heir to the Agnelli empire doesn’t give you street cred
“I do not want a crazy Inter, that one day can do well and another day not, but a team that will grow and improve day by day.”
Mazzarri would have to change the ‘Pazza Inter’ club anthem then
“I am surrounded by the same people in the same institutions, the same physiotherapist, Luke, so it is like déjà vu.”
Giuseppe Rossi feels he has now deja’d this vu enough times already, thanks very much
“Sometimes we would fight if we had conceded a goal, he would always blame us defenders and I would get angry. But in the end we were together and we are like brothers.”
Mihajlovic notes like all sibling relationships he occasionally gave Roberto Mancini a wedgie
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