“Before I came here, I had never seen a postman kneel on my doorstep and kiss my feet. It’s happened to me here… It is amazing how crazy Italians are for their football.”

Miroslav Klose literally brought the Italian postal service to its knees

“When I see Thiago Silva I see me, but as a defender.”

Zlatan Ibrahimovic says we are all Zlatan Ibrahimovic, but slightly different

“Strangely for him, Mario Balotelli is admitting that Manchester isn’t as bad as he thought or said.”

Agent Mino Raiola reveals SuperMario damns the city with faint praise

“Carlos Tevez is an interesting player. Now we have to see if it’s worth the bother of signing him.”

We’ll give Massimo Moratti a clue: it’s one word, two letters and starts with ‘n’

“This week has been rather eventful.”

Apart from Alexandre Pato going to PSG and then not going, Tevez talks being abandoned and the Coach signing a new contract, Massimiliano Allegri was actually quite bored

“Tevez? If I were Inter, I’d immediately sign Pato.”

Marco Materazzi may have retired, but he has clearly not lost his knack for stirring up trouble

“There are no secrets in football.”

Moratti gives up on a Serie A Fight Club

“I’m ready to spit blood for this shirt.”

Though Emiliano Viviano would be first in line to join

“I don’t like soap operas and this is turning into one.”

Daniele De Rossi was startled to discover he’d inherited Pat Butcher’s earrings

“In three or four seasons from now Barcelona will no longer be Barcelona…”

Thiago Motta predicts that after shirt sponsors, the Blaugrana will also rename the stadium and the club

“I decided to keep Pato because I consider him a player of great talent. I was not convinced by the whole operation, not from a tactical stand-point nor an economic one.”

As owner of the club, could Milan President Silvio Berlusconi not have said that earlier and saved everyone a lot of trouble?

“I asked De Rossi if he wanted to come play for Catania. He said he’ll let me know tomorrow.”

Vincenzo Montella knows a bargain when he sees one

“If we win this, then Fiorentina can begin a whole new season.”

Delio Rossi was brimming with enthusiasm ahead of the Lecce game...

“I understand now it is going to be a season of blood and tears.”

...and positively apocalyptic after losing 1-0

“Without doubt if I could take away one element, it would be their stadium.”

Davide Ballardini wanted to play Juventus in the park with jumpers for goalposts

“We’d just let Milan run themselves ragged and then strike when the time was right.”

Claudio Ranieri drew up the old ‘rope-a-dope-derby’ tactics