Rafa Benitez really knows how to drive a point home, Catania get out the handbags and the real reason Paul Pogba cut his hair, as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s silliest statements.
“He's lying. Marco Materazzi's lying. He's lying. Just lying. Everything he said is a lie. Everything that he talked about me, the things that he said about me, when he was talking with Jose Mourinho, is a lie because nobody knew that I was going to Inter - even me. He's a liar. About the pictures, he's lying, so he's a liar.”
Rafa Benitez urges you to inspect his pants, for they will be on fire
“A great boss like Marcello Lippi or Mourinho knows how to get their demands across to a dressing room whereas Benitez, he wanted to put them all in writing, 10 or 12 rules - like the Highway Code, or being at school!”
Materazzi is not a reader...
“Andrea Agnelli acted like a bitter spinster suffering from withdrawal symptoms.”
Catania President Antonino Pulvirenti gets out the actual handbags
“Paul Pogba is like a Dali painting. Works of art are rare and are worth a lot because people appreciate them. Paul is one of them.”
Agent Mino Raiola’s comparison is probably what convinced Pogba the blond Mohican wasn’t a good look
“We have spoken to Reto Ziegler. Negotiations are ongoing, but we are just waiting for the approval of the player. He could be the final icing on our cake.”
Genoa President Enrico Preziosi has the right ingredients, but...
“Ziegler was like Del Neri’s Godson. The negotiations for him are thus over.”
... fast forward three days and Preziosi has fed the cake to stray foxes
“David Beckham is a player of real class. However, you can’t wipe out his birth certificate and Milan have chosen to focus on youth.”
Said Massimiliano Allegri days before signing 31-year-old defender Cristian Zaccardo
“In the 2002 World Cup, Gigi Buffon exchanged shirts with my father. If I get the chance, I’ll ask him if he remembers that.”
Jose Francisco Cevallos Jr really knows how to make a guy feel old
“Vasilis Torosidis has good pace and technique, even though defending doesn’t seem to be his strong point...”
Leandro Greco is sure he’ll fit in perfectly at Roma
“I’ve wanted to come to Torino for about two years. Why did it take me so long? I cycled here…”
No wonder Paulo Vitor Barreto is always injured
“How would I define myself? I’d avoid the word ‘traitor’ for a start. If you want, feel free to write I was naive, dumb or even an idiot.”
Those are just the terms betting scandal patsy Matteo Gianello can say on a family website
“We’ll be different, but still the same.”
Catania Coach Rolando Maran is talking, but making little sense
“It’s just a shame we conceded from a corner again, which is turning into a real phobia for us.”
Cagliari boss Ivo Pulga traces it back to being made to stand in the corner at school
“Pogba can play instead of Andrea Pirlo, but also as an inside midfielder or even as a centre-back at the end of his career like Frank Rijkaard.”
He’s only 19 and agent Raiola is already planning Pogba’s twilight years!
“I pointed out that with that powerful free kick he’d just fired into the wall, Francesco Totti was trying to kill one of our opponents, but that’s against the rules.”
Zdenek Zeman considers a new sport: Extreme Dodgeball
“I think Josip Radosevic is a smaller Gennaro Gattuso.”
The boy’s agent conjures up images of a really grumpy garden gnome