Mauricio Pinilla re-writes the rules, Massimo Moratti lowers the bar and Gianfranco Zola vouches for Mario Balotelli’s sanity as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s silliest statements.
“When I felt the touch of course I dived. Whenever you get touched in the box, it is always a penalty; it’s just that the striker has to be smart to earn it.”
Mauricio Pinilla sums up everything that is wrong with modern football
“It is conduct that should be criticised, but not the kind that can be called ‘evident simulation’ as in the rules of the sport, as Pinilla’s obvious fall to the ground was still correlated to an initial physical contact with the opponent.”
And the Disciplinary Commission’s report sums up why Pinilla and co carry on diving
“We marked Juventus well and moved the ball around quickly. It was the perfect game.”
Not for the referee it wasn’t, Robinho
“From afar, people may think Mario Balotelli’s a madman, but he isn’t.”
Gianfranco Zola says SuperMario is in the Time 100 most influential people in the world alongside some genuine lunatics
“If there really was a conspiracy, then we would've won in Florence and have Balotelli available.”
That’s just what Massimiliano Allegri wants you to think!
“There’s the matter of our six remaining games and hopefully we'll be able to play them with enough players so that we can fulfil our duty of putting out a team.”
Massimo Moratti is really setting the bar low now. Of course, he knows what he must do... CLONE ZANETTI!
“There is no food I cannot resist, so I control my diet well. I care about my image and my physique too, so I am very careful.”
Stephan El Shaarawy is the Kate Moss of calcio
“These injuries can happen.”
They just tend to be statistically more likely when on the end of Francelino Matuzalem’s studs
“When you start scoring goals and discover what it feels like, it becomes like an addiction – like a drug. You need it all the time. Growing up, you learn to deal with these situations.”
Giampaolo Pazzini needed the applause, the adulation, the headlines – he had become a hero addict
“I had a problem with the poor nurse at the hospital. She was cleaning my head injuries and wanted to cut my hair… I made it clear that I didn’t want that to happen.”
Martin Caceres – death before the dishonour of baldness
“I’m coming from a very competitive tournament and one that perhaps has more pressure than the European Leagues. This is why I think I am mature enough to face this new professional experience.”
Argentina has more pressure than Serie A? Inter’s new signing Ruben Botta is in for a rude awakening
“The ideal club would have Moratti as President, with Adriano Galliani as a director.”
Leonardo notes they both have a talent for inexplicable transfers
“It’s false to say I am an inconsistent player.”
Which version of Mirko Vucinic turned up to tell us that?
“This time we'll kick the ball harder in order to make it clear for everyone that the ball has crossed the line.”
Kevin-Prince Boateng will also sellotape iPhones to the goalposts as makeshift sensors
“It is really hurtful to hear people say the referees are not in good faith.”
Gianluca Rocchi reveals referees have feelings too...
“The tackle was so determined because I wanted to prove to everyone that I am a player again, full of enthusiasm and someone who is worthy of the Milan shirt.”
Mathieu Flamini certainly proved himself worthy of a red card
“When I was 16, I paid no notice to people who said that I should not eat this or drink that.”
M’Baye Niang eventually regretted his dinner of Mentos and Cola