Cagliari’s cunning plan, Kevin Strootman has much to learn about Roma and Carlos Tevez is unmasked as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s silliest comments.
“There is a lot of pressure, but I think that helps players to do even better.”
Kevin Strootman hasn’t yet noticed his Roma teammates have PTSD from the last two seasons
“Cagliari won three games in a row while I was in prison, so perhaps if I’d stayed another five months then we would’ve won the Scudetto.”
President Massimo Cellino plans to raid both the transfer market and the supermarket, ensuring he gets caught
“It’s difficult to explain the incredible enthusiasm with which I’ve been welcomed here. Probably the people understand what I’ve done in my career, because at times you are more appreciated outside your own club.”
Walter Mazzarri gives a passive-aggressive master class to Napoli
“The Coach wants me to arrive in attack when it’s least expected.”
Nobody expects the Ricky Alvarez Inquisition! His shooting tends to be as dangerous as a soft cushion, too...
“I told Robinho ‘you didn’t do much last season, so you are basically a new signing and have to prove what you can do.’”
Adriano Galliani hopes he can disguise the striker as a new player to avoid jeering from the fans, but they’d recognise that finishing anywhere
“A real Argentine could never play in Turin.”
Diego Armando Maradona reveals Carlos Tevez is actually Charles Thames
“Off the field they can remain our friends, while on the pitch they are our enemies.”
Esteban Cambiasso has the plot for a new rom-com
“Even if this goal doesn’t count, the gesture still means a lot to me! Thank you my friend! Thank you immense captain!”
Pablo Daniel Osvaldo tweeted from the bench after his substitution, but we wouldn’t put it past him to whip out the smartphone during a goal celebration too
“The first season is always difficult for a newly promoted side.”
It is technically also the only season for a newly promoted side, Verona director Sean Sogliano
Think you know your Italian football? Share your knowledge, tips and comments to win cash prizes in OLBG's tipster competition  - £5,000 monthly.