Antonio Conte’s language problems, Walter Mazzarri’s clumsy ref and Max Allegri’s diet plan as Susy Campanale finds the week’s oddest comments.
“What made me angry was yesterday the referee suspended play because it was ‘dangerous’ and all of a sudden today it was no longer ‘dangerous.’ Maybe I need to improve my English, as the officials don’t seem to understand me very well.”
Antonio Conte should never have taken English lessons from a South African sign language interpreter....
“One day an official might give us a penalty by accident.”
Walter Mazzarri hopes the ref might slip over, exhale into the whistle and fall with his finger pointing towards the spot
“Galatasaray have world class players up front and so we could have some problems. The important thing is also to have a solution.”
Gigi Buffon didn’t think he’d need to pack snow boots for Istanbul
“The Corriere dello Sport wrote after the draw that Galatasaray and Copenhagen were two ‘sweeteners’ for Juventus, but they were proved wrong.”
Not for the first time, Felipe Melo left a bitter taste in Bianconeri mouths
“Last season after a disastrous first half of the campaign, I took a closer interest in Milan and we snatched third place. I think that again today the team needs more of my help.”
President Silvio Berlusconi scored all the goals, won every tackle and performed each save. Except when the Rossoneri lost, in which case it was Max Allegri’s fault
“Going directly into the Europa League at the end of a season becomes a terrible waste of money and effort.”
Napoli President Aurelio De Laurentiis reveals the lyrics to the tournament’s theme song
“We all lost a few kilos suffering on the touchline.”
Allegri suggests the new Milan Diet: Sweat the pounds off and get a cardiac workout as you resist that panic attack!
“You don’t get anywhere with cramp in your stomach or brain.”
Vladimir Petkovic has discovered a curious new physical ailment
“You keep wolves at bay with fire, so we will bring 11 lighters...”
Vincenzo Montella’s Bear Grylls-style plan was snuffed out with defeat at Roma
“Gervinho is fast, devastating, has quality and tends to make the right decisions. Either you tie him up....”
Perhaps Montella should bond Gervinho with his Kryptonite – an Arsenal jersey
“Juventus did not change the tune despite different performers.”
Conte’s Britney Spears covers band carries on regardless
“We’ve seen I did not resign, I did not sign for Switzerland and none of the 10 different rumoured Coaches have arrived to replace me.”
Not yet anyway, adds Petkovic...
“I’ll certainly sit on the bench of a national side again because I’m too young for a desk job…”
That’s 74-year-old Giovanni Trapattoni, who might even consider playing again after seeing Javier Zanetti