Stefano Pioli’s rump steak, an Aurelio De Laurentiis pumpkin and Gervinho gets the beer in as Susy Campanale has the week’s oddest quotes.
“Our backsides are still on the barbecue.”
Bologna fired Stefano Pioli after he painted that terrifying mental image. He was grilled about the results first...
“We have Higuain and we are not Cinderella, we had Cavani and we are not a Cinderella. I’m annoyed, we are not a Cinderella.”
Aurelio De Laurentiis just wants his pumpkin back
“I’ve scored more goals for Udinese than I’ve gone out for dinner with my wife.”
At least he’s always Capocannoniere with Mrs Di Natale
“I spoke to the squad for days, then on the pitch saw bizarre tactical systems. I don’t know if he was trying to get himself fired.”
President Claudio Lotito smelled a rat when Vladimir Petkovic took inspiration from West Ham tactics
“Before there was someone whose head was somewhere else! Unfortunately, in the end, I found the true identity of this person. Until this year we had an idyllic relationship – then his ego grew and he thought he could do what he wanted.”
This town ain’t big enough for two Lotito-sized egos
“Is Clarence Seedorf in pole position? Let’s just say a position.”
Adriano Galliani gets out the Kama Sutra
“To declare love is easy, but to show it with your wallet is harder.”
Galliani sounds like he’s speaking from bitter personal experience
“My job is to help the fans feel content when they get their post-match beer.”
Gervinho made Roma supporters drink to drown their sorrows after a 3-0 defeat to Juventus
“When there is pub talk provocation, you have to take it as a joke and relax.”
Antonio Conte is enjoying Gervinho’s beer
“We are hungry like the wolf.”
His name is Rudi and he dances on the sand
“I was meant to go away with my family, but a week wasn’t long enough to prepare for the game with Juventus, so I stayed behind.”
Mehdi Benatia has even more regrets than most Roma players
“When facing strong sides you have to maintain your characteristics while trying to weaken their strengths. That is the job of a Coach, otherwise everyone can sit on the bench and pick a line-up.”
Conte tips the critics out of their armchairs
“Just three months ago I had a fractured kneecap and if you’d asked me if I was thinking about the World Cup then, I’d have burst out laughing. Now I might smile instead.”
If Daniele Bonera’s going to represent Italy at the World Cup, I’m going to burst into tears
“It’s becoming a joke now. You too saw the incidents today, so nobody can say ‘Mazzarri complains about referees.’ I don’t want to talk about it anymore for the rest of the season.”
Walter Mazzarri not complaining about refereeing decisions – now that really is a joke!
“I don’t particularly care who will be the Milan Coach next season. I’m sure they will choose someone worthy of the job and worthy of replacing his predecessor, which is me.”
Massimiliano Allegri acknowledges at this point he’s setting the bar pretty low
“When we cannot match them in terms of quality, we must try to get there with other means.”
Such as kicking Giuseppe Rossi, notes Livorno Coach Davide Nicola
“I just hope Mihajlovic stays on the bench, as he might want to step on to the field and take some free kicks!”
Rafa Benitez forgets Sinisa could probably score one of his specials from the touchline
“It's great if we win the Coppa Italia but it mustn't be seen as a specific target.”
No danger of that now, Mazzarri
“I have to say the truth, Inter are the most prestigious club I have faced in my career, but they didn’t seem like an extraordinary team.”
Lazio’s Albanian goalkeeper Etrit Berisha was positively bored keeping a clean sheet on his Serie A debut
“The Curva Sud Milano will not take part in the Sassuolo game because it is inconceivable that a ticket for the basic away end costs €40!!! Let us not then complain if the stadiums are sad and empty, as with these prices it is impossible to follow your beloved team!”
Rossoneri ultras had better not look at Chelsea’s ticket prices, then...
“I simply asked for the ‘just cause’ ruling to be dismissed. I just asked for what I am owed.”
Delio Rossi sues Fiorentina for unfair dismissal after he slapped Adem Ljajic. There’s no joke here, that is just literally what is happening.
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