Antonio Conte gets out the thesaurus, Barry Glendenning's diplomatic incident and Geordie Shore gets a rare calcio mention in Susy Campanale's quotes of the week.
“If Roma are stratospheric then I cannot find an adjective to describe Juventus.”
Antonio Conte wants everyone to admit Juve are awesomesauce
“The club from one of Italy’s mafia strongholds will need to make Manchester United and Welbeck himself an offer they can’t refuse.”
Barry Glendenning was soon to receive a verbal horse’s head on his pillow for that cheap Godfather joke
“We would not judge a city like Newcastle on the basis of MTV's Geordie Shore; we do not think all of that city's inhabitants are rude, gym-addicted and sociopathic. It is a shame to see the Guardian did not afford Napoli the same courtesy.”
Partenopei director of communication Nicola Lombardo points out at least the Mafia are organised, whereas Geordie Shore is just a crime against television
“I see the final being between Bayern and Chelsea.”
Never ask Mehdi Benatia for betting tips
“Juventus have been the stronger team in recent years, but this season they were pushed forward by referees. You could already tell in the opening 10 rounds how it was going to end.”
Does Dejan Savicevic mean the opening 10 rounds when Roma had a 100 per cent record?
“We must restore dignity to sporting events – players, you are in the spotlight. You all have a great responsibility. I urge you all to be true sportsmen.”
If only Pope Francis had given that speech to the fans before the Coppa Italia Final too
“Italian football is different to English, as it is more similar to in Spain. You certainly eat better in Italy than in England!”
Pepe Reina loved Liverpool, but never quite fell for black pudding
“To be honest, I just love this type of football, one with a team that is always attacking and creating. I can’t park the bus.”
Eusebio Di Francesco is just like Sandra Bullock in Speed
“Benfica would like to know whether UEFA are more interested in sporting integrity or seeing to it that Juventus reach the final in Turin.”
Director of communications Joao Gabriel has been taking PR lessons from Jose Mourinho
“We travelled to Bilbao and fought on the field in front of incredibly passionate fans. I left at the end of the first half, as I couldn’t resist being in that inferno. I took a taxi with a Juve security officer to a bar, but they weren’t showing the game on television.”
Ex-Juventus President Giampiero Boniperti had a nice relaxing cup of tea by the radio instead
“If I’d had a teammate like Mario Balotelli, seeing play as badly as he did against Roma, I’d have given him a kick up the backside and then a cold shower.”
Ciccio Graziani suggests Milan go old school
“Will Pocho return? He’s become a little old man, guys. You know warmed up soup never tastes as good... Besides, would you take back a wife who cheated on you?”
Aurelio De Laurentiis describes Lavezzi as the triple whammy: an unfaithful geriatric spouse who can’t cook
“Mamma mia, I divide Italy in two! Amazing! While almost everyone overseas is united with me! What a strange game.”
Even all Manchester City fans were never united with Balotelli...
“Either you are motivated or you aren’t, you can’t just buy motivation at a supermarket.”
Sinisa Mihajlovic gets his off etsy
“At this moment I say PSG don’t need a profile like mine as director of sport. The club is already well-structured.”
If only Paolo Maldini had links to a club in dire need of help...
“We are not at Bayern Munich’s level yet. But we want to try and play like them.”
Benatia might reconsider that statement after the Champions League semi-final
“Since our last European trophy in 1996, we haven't been this close to winning a Final.”
Leonardo Bonucci has blocked the 2003 Champions League Final from his memory
“My idol as a child was Robinho. He played for Santos and in some of Europe’s biggest clubs. It was my dream to become like Robinho.”
Neymar thankfully raised his ambitions a little higher as the years went on
“Maybe Manchester United didn't think they were making a mistake.”
Don’t feel bad, Paul Pogba, they’ve not exactly shown themselves to be good judges of character
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