Friday September 21 2012
Mock the Quotes: Hangover sack

Palermo turn to drink, Giuseppe Sannino has the world’s first realistic soap opera and Devis Mangia misplaces limbs as Susy Campanale sums up the silliest statements from Serie A.

“Is Giuseppe Sannino at risk? I prefer to get drunk rather than answer that question.”

When Maurizio Zamparini emerged from the hangover, he wielded the axe

“I am sick of being asked how long I’ll last and when I’ll be fired.”

At least Sannino won’t face that question anymore...

“The only thing I know is that we will have 20 legs on the pitch.”

Can Under-21 Italy Coach Devis Mangia count?

“A Coach is very much like a lawyer. You are given a case to fight and you aim to do your best, but if it doesn’t work out then you change your lawyer.”

Claudio Ranieri notes at this rate Zamparini would be seeing out 10 life sentences

“I understand it is the job of journalists to go beyond the field and try to stir up stories, but this soap opera of Zamparini being a President who fires everyone has gone on for too long.”

Sannino has never seen such a realistic soap opera storyline before

“I think it is a shame for modern football that a Coach needs another four collaborators. Now I have to pay five men, plus Gasperini’s staff.”

Imagine how many tacticians Zampa would get through if it was cheaper

“Fortunately me and my staff had psychologist Joaquin Valdes with us in Rome, otherwise things would have been much worse.”

Luis Enrique notes being in charge of Roma would drive anyone round the bend

“We need to be more carefree and positive. We are Milan.”

Massimiliano Allegri might’ve stumbled upon the problem

“We have to call on those characteristics in past years we didn’t need because we had champions who would resolve games by themselves.”

Massimo Ambrosini suddenly realises Milan without Zlatan Ibrahimovic are like a teenager without a smartphone – bereft

“Since he went to Paris, Ibra doesn't speak to me anymore. He is right though as I didn't keep my word.”

Adriano Galliani won’t mind that every Milan fan hates him too, then

“My relationship with De Laurentiis is much like two trains running parallel which never crash against each other in any situation.”

Walter Mazzarri warns when they argue it really is a train wreck

“Antonio Conte turned the team inside out like a sock.”

Gigi Buffon keeps losing teams in the wash

“Nobody likes the lunchtime kick-offs, but I guess we’ll have to be hungrier than the fans if we want to earn a result.”

Mimmo Di Carlo must’ve sneaked in a snack, because Chievo lost 3-1

“I like Newcastle – I like the city and the people in it. The fans are brilliant, I like my team and I like the Coach. Better than this is impossible!”

Many things are impossible, Davide Santon, but this isn’t one of them

“Pippo Inzaghi is not a real footballer, but he has a huge killer instinct when he's in front of the goal. That is his strength.”

That was Ibrahimovic’s idea of a compliment

“I swear, I will not fire Gian Piero Gasperini before the end of the season and hopefully not for many years to come.”

Zamparini was perhaps not surprised to hear the response to that statement was laughter

“It’s better to be injured than dead.”

Bari Coach Vincenzo Torrente is reassuring in the most depressing way possible

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