Friday September 28 2012
Mock the Quotes: Image trouble

Palermo go from the frying pan into the fire, psychic Massimo Carrera and Davide Santon answers the age-old question as Susy Campanale finds this week’s silliest statements.

“Starting today, if you want to talk about the next six months, speak only with Pietro Lo Monaco, because he is the representative of the new Palermo. My image does more harm than good to the football club.”

So Maurizio Zamparini called in the man who once said Jose Mourinho should be hit in the teeth with an iron bar

“Davide looks to be in a good place right now. His language skills have improved and he has a North-East girlfriend cooking him some nice pies, so he's a bit happier…”

Alan Pardew reveals the answer to that age-old football mystery: it was Santon who ate all the pies

“Stephan El Shaarawy reminds me of Samuel Eto’o.”

We’ll make the jokes, thank you Adriano Galliani

“If Juve fans are angry with me, they should be angry with the prosecutors, the courts, and so many other people.”

There’s enough anger to go round, Zdenek Zeman

“I invited the fans to come to the stadium to avoid chaos. I wanted to avoid a situation where only the ultras turned up and created the idea season ticket holders could also get in.”

Massimo Cellino thought the best way to stop fans gathering at the closed Is Arenas was to publicly invite them all to attend. Okaaaay.....

“I am not the shame of football. In 21 years I have never been deferred to the Disciplinary Commission over fake passports, referees, doping or false accounting.”

Cellino just shows how difficult it is to stand out for your Presidential craziness in Serie A

“This could only happen in Italy.”

Yes Zeman, but at least nobody cut the floodlight cables... 

“Franco Baldini is trying to take advantage of someone else’s misfortune. He is like a vulture.”

The Roma director may be a vulture, but only because Cellino left Cagliari’s carcass lying around

“To be honest, Conte could even decide to stay away and not watch the game. We’ve been working like this for a month now and we have refined our telepathy.”

Massimo Carrera has been taking lessons from Derren Brown

“This team needs enthusiasm and faith, not depression.”

Gian Piero Gasperini wonders if Prozac counts as doping

“How much have I spent on Coaches? Don’t make me do that calculation otherwise I’ll shoot myself.”

The Samaritans are on stand-by every time Zamparini wields the axe

“In Palermo, landlords ask for six months' payment in advance from the Coaches. Because they all know the way Zamparini works.”

Giuseppe Sannino should forge his CV with a more stable profession, like travelling circus performer

“First of all, I compliment Milan for an excellent opening 10 minutes in which they really pinned us back.”

Francesco Guidolin was trying to be reassuring, but it just ended up depressing Rossoneri fans even more 

“If what I read happened between the two then it was childish. They acted like kids.”

Alessandro Nesta puts Max Allegri and Pippo Inzaghi on the Naughty Step

“The players must remember what the Milan shirt represents. At a time like this the important thing is strength and faith. You need to take cover and wait until the storm passes.”

Carlo Ancelotti’s advice to the Rossoneri is this: hide

“The problem is that in Italy everything is looked at with a magnifying glass.”

It might be useful when considering ‘Atomic Ant’ Sebastian Giovinco, agent Andrea D’Amico – although never in direct sunlight

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