Friday November 2 2012
Mock the Quotes: FrankenPato

Alexandre Pato is back from the dead, Antonino Pulvirenti fooled by the internet and Massimo Ambrosini’s gift as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s daftest statements.

“I am alive again.”

Alexandre Pato made his comeback just before Halloween. Coincidence....?

“Sepp Blatter is a demented dictator. Michel Platini’s Financial Fair Play project proves he is incompetent. FIFA and UEFA are anything but transparent and in some ways could be compared to Mafia-style organisations. The Ballon d’Or would only be important if it was won by Zlatan Ibrahimovic.”

Agent Mino Raiola will fight the power – unless they give a prize to Ibra, in which case they’re lovable eccentrics

“The Catania goal was clean, but it would not have been decisive in this match.”

Beppe Marotta needs a maths refresher after Juventus won 1-0

“We’ll win and then invite Antonio Conte to dinner for my Mum’s home-cooked meal.”

Considering the bitter end to Catania-Juventus, Nicola Legrottaglie might’ve added an extra ingredient

“There is a picture of Juve’s Scudetto on the linesman’s Facebook page. Everyone can support whichever team they want. But after what happened on Sunday and how he was influenced, tell me what we should think. I’m shocked.”

Catania President Antonino Pulvirenti should perhaps think that it’s an internet fake. Also, cats do not really have cheeseburgers.

“We’ll celebrate that 1982 Scudetto, because we feel it is ours, on our chests.”

Andrea Della Valle says if Juve can do it...

“Fiorentina keep attacking us, but the truth is that we helped them to not look foolish.”

Marotta insists Juve did them a favour by ruining the Dimitar Berbatov move. He might have a point...

“Let him say that to my face in a locked room, just the two of us. I need add nothing more.”

Viola director Daniele Pradè asks Marotta’s fists to do the talking

“This summer in order to motivate him I promised Stephan I’d pay for him to go on vacation if he reached seven goals before December. I get the feeling I’m going to have to pay up on that bet. To be honest, I didn’t have much belief he’d get there!”

What Massimo Ambrosini didn’t tell El Shaarawy is that it’s a weekend in Bognor Regis

“I hate Juventus, but only on a sporting level because they are the side who made me the craziest in Italy. I hardly ever beat them and that drove me mad…”

Julio Cesar acknowledges his spite and embraces it

“Even when it comes to the media, there are children and step-children.”

Stefano Colantuono is Cinderella?

“My father wanted to call me Maxwell, but the person working at the registrar’s office didn’t understand him and wrote it down wrong.”

That word must’ve taken a tortuous journey in his brain to end up as Maicosuel 

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