Friday November 16 2012
Mock the Quotes: No Cellino cello?

Antonio Cassano and Antonio Conte bicker over morality while the Cagliari President plays on, as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s silliest statements.

“I wanted to play Ave Maria on the guitar with violin in the middle of the pitch to mark the inauguration of the stadium.”

Cagliari President Massimo Cellino reveals why the authorities won’t open the Is Arenas – the public must be protected

“Antonio Conte said I’m all talk? I’m not the one who is suspended for failing to report match-fixing... If Conte starts talking to me about morality then it’s the end of the world.”

Antonio Cassano doesn’t so much stir up a hornet’s nest as kick it repeatedly with steel-capped boots

“I never used the term ‘morality,’ despite the fact I have it in spades.”

Conte’s morality surplus makes up for the lack of modesty

“As for Cassano, we speak the same language, that of the streets, the way you earn respect in front of your house.”

He’s just Strama from the block

“Do I miss the bench? My wife has constructed one at home for me! I watch television on it…”

Conte keeps it real by spending most of his time standing up and shouting at The X-Factor

“We must play like a team that knows what it wants.”

To get rid of its Coach, Massimiliano Allegri?

“Sometimes we have to play badly and try to get a result anyway.”

Allegri is veering from ‘sometimes’ into ‘always’

“Of course nobody is going to be happy with losing the derby, but it’s not as if they are going to become supporters of Lazio or any other club.”

Roma fans don’t want to switch clubs – they just wish Zdenek Zeman would

“Zeman is a legend in Italy.”

Vladimir Petkovic didn’t necessarily mean that in a good way

“Edinson Cavani is a great player, but he cannot win a game by himself.”

Coach Juande Ramos might’ve changed his mind after the Matador scored four past Dnipro

“I often joke with Mario Balotelli that perhaps I’m the only person who can manage him, but maybe because we don’t spend that much time together.”

Cesare Prandelli admits timing is everything

“We are invaded by the enthusiasm of the fans.”

Vincenzo Montella thinks Fiorentina supporters are getting a bit too up close and personal

“They wouldn’t even recognise me if I showed up. Who? Perini?...”

Mattia Perin is more famous than he realises – he is now that goalkeeper who conceded six in one game

“When I was nine I had to choose between table tennis and football because the lessons for both fell on a Saturday. Then the 2002 World Cup arrived and Ronaldo bewitched me. That’s when I left table tennis for football. But I’m still quite handy with a bat…”

Now he’s at Juventus, Paul Pogba is also on the right side of the table

“I never got on with Rafa Benitez. He even made me remove from my locker the photographs of my happiest moments with Jose Mourinho and Marcello Lippi.”

The Spaniard knew Marco Materazzi was thinking about other Coaches that whole season...

“Balotelli had a row with Mancini, but that was not enough to suggest a divorce from City. It was like a normal tiff between husband and wife.”

Agent Mino Raiola brings the romance back to Manchester City

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