Friday November 30 2012
Mock the Quotes: Judge Osvaldo

Max Allegri’s self-esteem, unexpected Zdenek Zeman and Pablo Daniel Osvaldo’s solution to match-fixing are just some of the statements rounded up by Susy Campanale.

“If a teammate sold a game then I wouldn’t make the authorities aware of it. That’s because what happens in the changing rooms should stay there. I wouldn’t turn my back either, as I’d quietly beat the hell out of him.”

Pablo Daniel Osvaldo suggests a new initiative to fight match-fixing – less bans, more bruises

“The performance was better on a defensive level than attacking.”

The words we thought Zdenek Zeman would never say

“We will try to sign Pep Guardiola, but it’s going to be tough. Manchester City are in pole position because some of their directors know him well.”

Milan President Silvio Berlusconi manages to ‘sack’ two Coaches in one fell swoop

“I feel flattered that the club is looking for Guardiola as my replacement, seeing as he is one of the best Coaches in the world...”

If Massimiliano Allegri is going to get dumped, it may as well be for a supermodel

“We all know how much Wesley Sneijder is worth to our team.”

Evidently less than €6m per season, Esteban Cambiasso

“I daren’t imagine what would’ve happened if Juve had won with a penalty like that.”

Angelo Alessio pictured it as a Mayan prophecy

“Who would win between me and Luca Toni in a 100m race? Up to 20m certainly me, but perhaps neither of us could manage 100m!”

Vincenzo Montella’s still got it – or Toni never had it

“Could we have done with David Pizarro? We could probably do with Gabriel Batistuta too, but we have decided to focus on a project with young players.”

Zeman puts Fiorentina star Pizarro in his place – the old people’s home

“Cassano continually asked us, via text message, to sell him. He wanted to leave and he’s hammered me and Allegri.”

Adriano Galliani did not confirm or deny that FantAntonio made liberal use of emoticons

“Rizzoli caused all sorts of trouble and always in favour of Juve. The first to be embarrassed by this situation will be Rizzoli, as stepping on to the field with the ‘aura of Juventus influence’ can prompt him to make opposite decisions compared to beforehand out of a sense of uncertainty. Some are even suggesting Rizzoli was sent on purpose to damage Juve.”

Luciano Moggi has a unique sense of logic when it comes to Juventus and referees

“I do not feel ready to be the Milan Coach. It takes time to become a good manager.”

Says Marco Van Basten, who didn’t seem to consider that a problem when he was in charge of the Dutch national team for four years

“In my view, today Christian Abbiati and I are the best pair of goalkeepers in Italy.”

The real joke here is that Marco Amelia was being serious

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