Friday December 7 2012
Mock the Quotes: Mario Lisa Smile

Mario Balotelli is a work of art, let Wesley Sneijder count the ways and study at the University of Zeman as Susy Campanale rounds up some artistic Serie A statements.

“Mario Balotelli costs as much as the Mona Lisa.”

It’s the enigmatic smile, says agent Mino Raiola

“At this moment in time I have no reason to sign.”

But Wesley Sneijder has six million reasons not to

“As for ‘bullying,’ I have a law degree and can tell you this situation does not qualify for breach of contract.”

Andrea Stramaccioni directs Sneijder to the precedent The People vs. Wedgie

“Wes trained well like all the others and he is available like all the others.”

Yet he is not in Stramaccioni’s squad like all the others

“Daniele De Rossi has not integrated himself into the squad.”

Zdenek Zeman notes it’s normal for players to take a while to settle in their first 12 years at a club

“Balotelli? He is not a dream.”

Roberto Mancini would agree with you, Silvio Berlusconi – more of a nightmare

“It is as if Mattia Destro is studying at the University of Zeman.”

Giuseppe Sannino notes it’s worth about as much in the current job market as any other degree

“I understand if Lazio fans hate me. After all, I did shout ‘Forza Roma’ at them after being sent off at the Olimpico.”

Serse Cosmi is not putting himself forward for a prize in diplomacy

“Evidently the offside flag weighs heavily in their hands when the big sides are playing.”

Director Sergio Gasparin finds a new explanation for offside decisions going against Catania

“It wasn’t bothering me in the summer so I let it grow. Now I don’t waste time shaving…”

Andrea Pirlo reveals his iconic beard is less about style, more laziness

“Gigi Del Neri was a teacher of football. For us players, he was a Coach, a motivator, a father, a friend.”

Luckily Eugenio Corini didn’t add he was a joker, a smoker, a midnight toker who sure don’t want to hurt no one

“Mauricio Pinilla will not leave Cagliari, not even if we were offered €30m.”

Let’s see Massimo Cellino test that theory

“I’d be more than happy if Balotelli came here. Actually, I’d even go to England and pick him up.”

Francesco Acerbi suggests Milan’s financial crisis means they can’t even afford a plane ticket

“To reach a certain level, you need to have talent and history, but also a certain political strength in football. We must wait a few years before we are as respected as the big European clubs like Juventus.”
Mircea Lucescu – once an Inter Coach, always an Inter Coach

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