Friday February 15 2013
Mock the Quotes: Roma rage

Delio Rossi and Pablo Daniel Osvaldo need anger management, while Juventus grapple with Celtic Park as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s daftest comments.

“Now everyone will turn their backs on me.”

No, Pablo Daniel Osvaldo, they want to insult you to your face

“If Osvaldo had done that in my squad, I’d have kicked him up the backside.”

The Roma striker definitely shouldn’t turn his back on Pietro Lo Monaco

“I was giving tactical indications to my players when Nicolas Burdisso insulted me from a distance. How can a professional behave like this with a Coach? Why should I apologise? Burdisso can’t give me lessons on how to behave. Someone who elbows and spits at players should just shut up.”

It would be like Delio Rossi lecturing someone on professional behaviour after punching his own player and flipping the bird at opponents. Ridiculo... oh wait...

“I cannot stay calm when I am insulted. Looking back, I can say I went too far, but I did not have the strength to hold myself back. My intention is not to get back into these ugly incidents, but I don’t know if I will manage it. I will try hard to hold myself back in every situation.”

The first step is acknowledging you have an anger problem and pledging to deal with it, which is why Rossi is still at the minus one step

“I don’t want to judge Rossi, because he is my senior, but I would ask myself questions if I got to my 50s and 60s and behaved like this. It was embarrassing, especially as it’s not exactly the first nasty incident he has been involved in.”

Daniele De Rossi warns there’s a fine line between ‘Grumpy Old Man’ and ‘Anti-Social Old Coot’

“Juventus can train in my back garden rather than at Rangers, it would make no difference. If they want to prepare at a Division Three training ground then let them get on with it.”

The Bianconeri now have the freedom of Glasgow, including Kris Commons’ patio

“Every time there was a corner, it felt like the stadium was coming down.”

Antonio Conte thought Stephan Lichtsteiner went too far in grappling with the arena

“As far as I'm aware, no spectator has ever scored a goal.”

Gigi Buffon kicks that 12th Man cliché into the stands

“They did everything to upset us. Pulling your jersey was the least of it. I was spat on, elbowed and their defenders were even pulling the hairs out of my legs.”

Former Celtic player Frank McGarvey noted this was before manscaping became de rigueur for footballers

“As for tactics, the players’ characteristics dictate the system. If I had only one system, then it would be a sort of cage.”

New Roma boss Aurelio Andreazzoli locks Zdenek Zeman up and throws away the key

“I scored in my socks. Oh well, it turned out for the best!”

Alessandro Matri is just glad he had a clean pair on

“There are only three certainties in life: Death, Taxes and a Penalty to Milan.”

The banner should also now read: ‘And Mario Balotelli will convert it’

“In Italy they are very strict on diet, which is fundamental to avoid injuries.”

M’Baye Niang is French, so way ahead of the curve on eating horsemeat

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