Friday March 15 2013
Mock the Quotes: Coach after Coach

Giuseppe Sannino’s Palermo cure, Massimo Ambrosini yearns for blessed ignorance and the key to keeping Mario Balotelli quiet as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s silliest statements.

“Palermo must concentrate only on the work that awaits us over the next two months, training session after training session, game after game.”

Coach after Coach, adds Giuseppe Sannino

“We might believe in survival if we had men as players rather than papier-mâché figures.”

Or a cartoon as a President, Maurizio Zamparini...

“It is a learning experience, one we gladly would’ve avoided.”

Massimo Ambrosini yearns for his lost innocence at Camp Nou

“When Niang hit the post, I understood everything. On nights like this, certain signals are crystal clear.”

Adriano Galliani is a master in the ancient art of reading the future through woodwork

“Massimo Moratti called me yesterday and said: ‘Hello, Lucescu?’ I replied ‘No, it’s still the other guy.’”

Andrea Stramaccioni was tempted to put on a Romanian accent and discuss wages

“I do miss Mario Balotelli, actually. He was crazy, he liked to be the centre of attention and it was like having a 12-year-old in the dressing-room at times.”

James Milner concedes that is only slightly less mature than the average Premier League player

“You had to keep him busy. We did a Christmas event for some children at the ground and Mario had to wait about half-an-hour to do his bit. We were thinking ‘what can we do with him? He’s going to be an absolute nightmare.’ He ended up sitting in on an interview with Joe Hart for 20 minutes, then someone gave him an iPad to play Angry Birds on.”

Milner wonders if ADHD medication counts as doping

“You can see that this side is bossed by Antonio Conte. The team has his characteristics, they resemble him, it’s the same as he is.”

That’s a lot of hair plugs, Vladimir Jugovic

“Before the game I told the players that more than anything else they needed balls. I should remember to point that out before every match if this is the result!”

Vincenzo Montella reveals why Stevan Jovetic celebrated a goal by pointing to his crotch

“I do not feel the pressure, as I am used to it. I was Coach of Palermo for nearly four years, so if I can survive there, I can survive anywhere!”

Francesco Guidolin should be in the Guinness Book of Records

“It’s not right that the referee doesn’t even know who Juraj Kucka is, yet calls some colleagues from the big clubs by their first names.”

Davide Ballardini’s men should hand out business cards

“We have to look at our Europa League elimination differently. We wanted to take part in that tournament without dropping Serie A points and in that sense we achieved our aims.”

Walter Mazzarri pushes the motto ‘it’s the taking part that counts’ a little too far

“We paid three times against Borussia Monchengladbach with penalties and need to learn how to mark set plays with less grappling.”

Vladimir Petkovic will not be asking Stephan Lichtsteiner for advice

“Nicklas Bendtner has said no to me twice because he wanted to play for an even bigger club. He should be more humble and think about how he can get the most out of his talent.”

Hamburg director Frank Arnesen will probably have a long wait

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