Friday March 22 2013
Mock the Quotes: Lionel Cassano

Antonio Cassano honours Messi, airplane trouble and pickled Palermo as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s strangest statements. 

“I named him Lionel because I’m a massive fan of the best player in history. My wife wasn’t keen, but I then convinced her.”

Antonio Cassano hoped she was a fan of Lionel Richie

“I challenge anyone to say they weren’t scared.”

Cesare Prandelli admits there wasn’t a dry seat in the plane after it was hit by lightning

“I might have a nice car and house, but at times you just want to be a normal guy and you can’t.”

Mario Balotelli might blend in a little more if his nice car wasn’t a camouflage Bentley

“I’m not too concerned whether Fabrizio Miccoli recovers in time for the game against Roma. He’s given us nothing this season and he’s in bad physical shape.”

And yet Maurizio Zamparini wonders why people keep leaving him...

“Massimiliano Allegri is welded to the Milan bench with a blowtorch.”

Adriano Galliani’s comment was inspired by watching Flashdance

“It will be difficult to survive, but if we do manage it, then it’d be a masterpiece that everyone would be talking about.”

If Giuseppe Sannino doesn’t save Palermo, Zamparini will have him pickled like a Damien Hirst sheep

“Frankfurt airport sucks!”

We know where Giuseppe Rossi won’t be going on vacation

“I always felt that I was under pressure since the first day I took this job. I know that I represent an exception in Italian football and maybe even on a European level. Every pressure on me is quadrupled.”

Andrea Stramaccioni should try being Coach of Palermo

“How would it have been with me in Barcelona? Maybe we would’ve lost 8-0!”

Balotelli assumes he probably would’ve been sent off

“I believe we are in the hands of what Pagans call Fate and Christians call Divine Providence.”

Can Claudio Lotito not just say ‘luck’ like everybody else?

“Often luck plays a major role in the Champions League. Think about Chelsea last year.”

Beppe Marotta confirms Chelsea have become the go-to example for freakish results, replacing Greece at Euro 2004

“We are reflecting on our steps because to sign a player and then not give him the chance to play is the worst thing you can do.”

Said Aurelio De Laurentiis, who watched Edu Vargas rot on the Napoli bench

“I was called to aid a patient who was moribund, but while we still have a chance then we ought to believe.”

Sannino has already cancelled next week’s order for milk, though

“If it meant playing for Italy, I’d even be a goalkeeper.”

Pint-sized Emanuele Giaccherini would still be more reliable than Morgan De Sanctis

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