Friday April 5 2013
Mock the Quotes: Pensioner Buffon

Franz Beckenbauer belittles Gigi Buffon, Wesley Sneijder zings Inter and Rodrigo Palacio’s hair is finally explained as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s daftest statements.

“How was he positioned? He seemed like a pensioner. David Alaba shot from 120 metres away…”

Franz Beckenbauer claims Gigi Buffon is the real Old Lady at Juve

“Besides, pensioners are wise people…”

Cesare Prandelli notes that, like Buffon, pensioners have stirring tales of ending German campaigns. Twice.

“I don’t want to say anything about the Nerazzurri. I will just say this: See where I am? I have to play a Champions League quarter-final. Coming here was a step forward, not back.”

Wesley Sneijder then performed the Single Ladies dance and sashayed out of the Press conference

“When I told a friend that I was going to Bayern Munich, he said I should watch out, as the more forests you travel in, the more wolves you find.”

What would he have said if Giovanni Trapattoni had joined Wolverhampton Wanderers?

“What is Rodrigo Palacio’s secret? His rat-tail.”

Javier Zanetti reveals he’s like a super skinny Samson – there had to be a reason for the hair, because it’s definitely not a style statement

“Roma were created 27 years after Lazio and are in a very different position of the Serie A table.”

Claudio Lotito puts age before beauty

“We must recognise the merits of Mayor Furio Honsell, who achieved a bureaucratic miracle to achieve this project.”

Considering Udinese patron Giampaolo Pozzo announced the new stadium in July and it was only ratified last week, imagine what he was up against

“I saved a Balotelli penalty. It is something satisfying and makes me very proud to know when I watch him score against Brazil, while I am in the amateur Leagues and only my parents believe in me.”

Costantino Marini has a T-Shirt that reads: ‘Suck on that, Julio Cesar!’

“I ran to the bench to hug Anelka because he asked me to in the locker room.”

Nicolas thought you did it because you were his friend, Fabio Quagliarella

“Due to a technical error in the completion of the form, Del Bosque’s name was ticked, but Pandev had voted for Mourinho.”

Will Jose believe the Macedonian FA’s explanation? It’s unlikely...

“Juve are excellent in the first half of games, we've focused a lot on this.”

Yet Andrea Stramaccioni still conceded after three minutes

“Abel Hernandez is a really strong player who could remain in Serie B with us, but he has to visit fewer bars and find the right wife.”

Palermo President Maurizio Zamparini will sack any spouses that don’t meet his criteria

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