Saturday May 11 2013
Mock the Quotes: Conte dunked

Juventus take revenge on Antonio Conte, Marcello Lippi speaks Sir Alex Ferguson’s language and Aurelio Andreazzoli covers Craig David as Susy Campanale has the silliest statements of the week.

“I was getting ready to have a shower and was violently kidnapped by my players! They could either throw me in the bath with hot water or the one with cold, but as soon as I saw their approach it was clear which one they’d choose!”

Antonio Conte suddenly regretted all those harsh training sessions

“It was our revenge.”

Gigi Buffon leads a Bianconeri revolt

“I’m still sober because we’ve got to go all round the city now!”

Leonardo Bonucci treated the Scudetto party in much the same way as a pub crawl

“I don’t speak English, while he speaks a very particular English, so we needed an interpreter. Later we discovered we both spoke French, so were able to communicate that way. We’ve got a great rapport and would exchange bottles. He’d send me whisky and I’d send him Italian wine.”

Marcello Lippi and Sir Alex Ferguson speak the global language of alcohol

“On Monday I was a phenomenon, on Tuesday I was an idiot.”

Aurelio Andreazzoli’s cover of Craig David song Seven Days needs a little work

“I always tried to advise Marko, telling him to calm his temperament and transform that into positive energy on the pitch.”

Considering Livaja punched him during a training session, Ivan Radovanovic might want to leave life coaching to someone else

“I was wrong and I want to apologise. But I want to point out that he did not bleed, and I was not laughing after the incident.”

Livaja assures he only punched Radovanovic a little bit

“The players are not children and have to shoulder their share of the responsibility in order to grow.”

Giuseppe Sannino is not angry with Palermo, just disappointed

“We need one last push.”

Davide Ballardini asks Genoa to give birth to a new Serie A season

“He was the only one missing!”

Andrea Stramaccioni knows reports Inter asked Massimiliano Allegri to take over is a sure sign newspapers are getting desperate

“Inter face this type of game with their blood boiling.”

Walter Mazzarri diagnoses yet another nasty-sounding injury in the Nerazzurri camp

“We need to eliminate this shameful bureaucracy.”

Claudio Lotito says red tape ought to be red-faced

“I approach legal issues with the same method as my coaching, constantly asking questions and keeping the pressure up on my team.”

Conte was thrown out of court for shouting directions from the bench

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