Saturday May 18 2013
Mock the Quotes: Hair-raising interview

Antonio Nocerino’s fashion police, Vincenzo Montella’s pledge and Maurizio Zamparini defends Italy’s honour as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s oddest comments.

“Why did you put a banana split on your head?”

Antonio Nocerino asks newly-blond Kevin-Prince Boateng the hard-hitting questions during a Google+ Hangout

“I’d learn the Siena club anthem off by heart if they managed to stop Milan!”

And Vincenzo Montella would dance Gangnam Style while singing it

“Do you know how much of a racist Sepp Blatter is? Can’t you see how he looks us up and down? Don’t you remember that when we won the World Cup he didn’t want to hand us the trophy? What do you call someone who detests Italians?”

Didn’t Maurizio Zamparini also see the FIFA President turn down a plate of spaghetti? What more proof do you want?!

“When you win, you’re treated like a hero, while a defeat turns you into a loser.”

You can’t fault Zamparini’s logic

“I’ve only done 50 per cent of what I could have done, I’ve always found a way to not train in a professional manner.”

Antonio Cassano ironically worked harder at finding ways to be lazy than he did to play football

“They did not whistle Mario Balotelli because of his skin colour, but his attitude. He can be controversial at times.”

Which, Zdenek Zeman, would be logical if all they’d done was whistle...

“My players must always look forward and see la vie en rose, like the colour of our shirts, taking away that grey that is making everyone depressed recently.”

What colour is Serie B, Giuseppe Sannino?

“I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I do know that when President Silvio Berlusconi gets something into his head, he rarely changes his mind.”

Unless, adds Massimo Ambrosini, a pretty girl walks by, in which case his mind goes blank

“I also tell club Presidents: don’t look at my birth certificate, because that doesn’t reflect my real age.”

Giovanni Trapattoni’s age can only be confirmed by cutting him open and counting the rings

“I wanted to say goodbye to my team-mates, but people wouldn't take my calls. I tried to reach Ivan Cordoba, but a club official told me some bull**** about tomorrow being a difficult day for me to go in and say goodbye. The message was clear. I wasn’t welcome anymore.”

Diego Forlan realised the game was up when he rang the doorbell and spotted the Inter players crouching behind the sofa

“I see my future at Udine, as this is my natural habitat.”

Francesco Guidolin will be the subject of David Attenborough’s next series

“Moratti is in love with Stramaccioni and I don’t understand why.”

Alessandro ‘Spillo’ Altobelli is not jealous, honest...

“If you had told me as a young boy I would have played for and won trophies with my boyhood club Manchester United, proudly captained and played for my country over 100 times and lined up for some of the biggest clubs in the world, I would have told you it was a fantasy.”

If you had told young David Beckham he’d be starring for LA Galaxy, he’d have said ‘Who?’

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Have your say...
I'm gonna miss your mock the quotes as much as the Serie a football. Thank you Susy for writing these every week. you always make me laugh.
on the 20th May, 2013 at 12:51pm
I agree Giaccherini is overused for the nazionale as Diamanti, Cerci etc. are better. As for us, Giovinco wouldn't be a bad back up but IMO we need another striker because Pandev is too inconsistent. Ilicic or Dzeko would be great as Insigne isn't ready now. We'll be fighting for the Serie A, coppa and champions league so we need enough strikers and midfielders.
on the 19th May, 2013 at 3:00pm
With Hamsik and Insigne and pandev there is no chance and that's a great thing he needs to go back to Parma or something cause he is my least liked player in Serie A always thought he was overrated and got to much hype and recognition he is absolutely pathetic.
on the 19th May, 2013 at 12:33pm
Oo no not Napoli that would be horrible he is not a good fit for us insigne is a lot better horrible suggestion I hope we can bring in ilicic that would be nice. But no way hahaha on giovinco he sucks icardj would be something of a pick up. And giaccherini scores a late consolation he is not that good especially don't deserve Nazionale.
on the 19th May, 2013 at 12:24pm
Giaccherini actually had a good performance finished of with a good goal at the end. They might have lost, but Giaccherini didn't do that bad. As for Giovinco, he's a flop at Juve anyway, needs to go to a different team that would match his style of play. I'd love him at Napoli to play behind Cavani if Ilicic doesn't come
on the 19th May, 2013 at 11:44am
Hahaha I love it juve start bums like giaccherini and giovinco and they get beat way to go out on a bad note just shows that they are joke players worst part there in the Italy squad hope prandelli watched.
on the 18th May, 2013 at 9:21pm

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