Sunday June 9 2013
Mock the Quotes: Monogamous Rafa

Rafa Benitez is the marrying kind, Silvio Berlusconi gives orders and Miralem Pjanic has daddy issues as Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s oddest comments.

“I was all set to join Arsenal. However, my father had given his word to Roma and therefore I opted to sign for the Giallorossi instead.”

Miralem Pjanic reveals why he won’t be buying a Father’s Day present this year

“Many have asked me why I chose Rafa Benitez: because he won a great deal in his career and is a monogamous sort, seeing as he was at Liverpool for many years.”

Aurelio De Laurentiis is the Bridget Jones of Serie A

“We reached an agreement on the rights and duties of the club towards the Coach and the Coach towards the club.”

President Silvio Berlusconi’s statement showed a mutual exchange of vows...

“We affirmed what were the rights and duties of a Coach in his rapport with the club.”

...and two days later Berlusconi reminded Max Allegri it was more of a one-way order

“My reaction might be criticised, but the violence I suffered was worse. I will not accept someone filming me in secret and then ambushing me. In that context, I would indeed do it again.”

Genoa patron Enrico Preziosi smashes a reporter’s camera and bellows: ‘Who else wants a piece of me?!’

“I intend to expand my football empire.”

De Laurentiis decrees all roads lead to Naples

“Daniele De Rossi is always a protagonist with us, often amongst the best, perhaps because we only ask him to do what he can do. We don’t ask him to do anything that he isn’t capable of.”

Cesare Prandelli disagrees with the ‘pat your head and rub your belly simultaneously’ training method

“I’m sure that with his great experience Gennaro Gattuso will take us immediately back into Serie A.”

Palermo President Maurizio Zamparini can’t be talking about management experience, nor that of fighting for promotion, so maybe he means experience in shouting at people?

“People compare me to Batistuta and he is the player I base myself on. I think I’m a lot like him, too. I would love to win as much as he did.”

So Mauro Icardi would be content with one Scudetto, one Coppa Italia and two Italian Super Cups, then?

“Once Diego Maradona said: ‘Arrigo, under you, Ancelotti runs fast.’ I replied: ‘He doesn’t run fast, he thinks fast.’ He always played on the first touch.”

Arrigo Sacchi confirms Carlo Ancelotti is hopeless in a sprint finish, but unstoppable at Sudoku

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