Saturday June 15 2013
Mock the Quotes: Rudi's rules

Susy Campanale rounds up the week’s silliest comments, including Rudi Garcia’s tips, Kevin-Prince Boateng’s tally and Gennaro Gattuso’s only fear.

“The players need to feel comfortable, you must never forget a birthday, sometimes it’s the little things that count.”

New Roma boss Rudi Garcia says being a Coach is very much like being married to 25 people

“We want football players, not fashion models. Last year Kevin-Prince Boateng had more hairstyles than goals.”

It’s likely Jose Mourinho never said this, but that doesn’t make it any less accurate

“Am I afraid of President Maurizio Zamparini’s reputation for hiring and firing? No, the only thing I fear is death!”

Gennaro Gattuso laughs in the face of career suicide

“Andrea Ranocchia is one of the best Italians that we have in defence.”

One of the only ones too, Inter President Massimo Moratti

“The use of certain players in the promotional images for the season tickets does not guarantee their permanence in the squad at the end of the transfer session.”

Milan’s less than reassuring note on the season ticket ad should’ve read: ‘Value of the team can go down as well as up’

“Yesterday my reaction was not right, I apologise... SORRY... To my team... I need to learn... still.”

Mario Balotelli also has to learn how to form a sentence

“Over the next few days we will also have the opportunity to discuss how players should use Twitter.”

Cesare Prandelli calls in the expert – Joey Barton

“I like Carlitos Tevez a lot, because he’s a ‘nasty’ player.”

Adriano Galliani reveals his kinky side

“I hope to speak to Balotelli, maybe after Italy-Brazil. I’d love to become his friend.”

Here’s hoping Neymar and Super Mario don’t get matching haircuts

“There’s a different quality of life abroad if you are a Coach, that is for sure. When you lose a game, you don’t have to be afraid that on the way home people are going to throw rocks at you.”

Prandelli pines for the good old days when tifosi only threw rotten tomatoes

“Josip Ilicic has great potential, even if he can be a little inconsistent. We’re asking for €15m.”

Palermo director Giorgio Perinetti really needs to work on his sales patter

“It is Cavani’s intention to play for a side like Real. He’s spoken to the family about his desire to play for Madrid, but he doesn’t want to say that publicly so that he isn’t seen in a bad light by his current club.”

Edinson leans round the corner and whispers: ‘Daaaaad, shut uuuuuuuuuup!’

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