Sunday June 30 2013
Mock the Quotes: An Imperfect 10

Carlos Tevez inherited the shirt, Gigi Buffon unveiled a new formation and Maurizio Zamparini lost control of his simile as Susy Campanale sums up the week’s strangest statements.

“The club felt that Carlos Tevez was of the right profile, who had professional and human qualities, to become the Number 10 jersey’s heir.”

Beppe Marotta notes if there’s one thing that defines Tevez, it’s loyalty

“I changed the way I was going to kick the ball, I tried to lift it, but you all saw what happened.”

There’s no doubting Leonardo Bonucci got plenty of lift

“These atmospheric conditions were absurd.”

Cesare Prandelli saw Dali-style melting clocks after 120 minutes in the Brazilian heat

“The Final would have been nice, you don’t get the chance to play such a game in the Maracanà every day. But had we got there then we would have perhaps had to play on all fours…”

Gigi Buffon unveils Italy’s new 4-4-4-4-4-4 formation

“Hopefully they’ll be tired....”

Claudio Marchisio saw an upside to Spain’s alleged hotel room frolics with local ladies, but sadly it didn’t affect their shooting

“I feel like a loser having to leave like this.”

At least Mario Balotelli missed the semi-final due to injury rather than suspension

“The statistics say we move the ball well and that is what we must try to do.”

Demetrio Albertini ignored the statistics about moving the ball into the net

“Balotelli told me it was too hot and he wasn’t accustomed to this sort of environment, so I told him he’d better start getting used to the heat.”

Neymar insists it isn’t diving if you are fainting from sunstroke

“This enthusiasm is exactly what we wanted, as it’s great for Tevez and the team.”

Marotta wonders why Nicklas Bendtner didn’t have a similar effect last year

“I would compare the situation of clubs to a manager put in prison because he had to sell helicopters to India and if he didn’t give a percentage to the Indian go-between, the helicopters wouldn’t get sold. Unfortunately, the clauses in most contracts now say you have to pay the agent a certain amount.”

Maurizio Zamparini’s simile can be extended, for football is like modern warfare – you often end up getting shot at by weapons you sold

“We will know everything by July 20. If not, I'll smack him!”

Aurelio De Laurentiis puts the ‘dead’ in Edinson Cavani’s deadline

“I've asked my family thousands of times to please not talk anymore, because it harms me.”

Christmas dinner is thoroughly awkward in the Cavani household

“After this week I will be at FIFA’s side in a bid to abolish third-party investors. They are bandits. Football is something else entirely. Felipe Anderson won’t give up, as he 100 per cent wants Lazio, but we have to battle bandits...”

Agent Stefano Castagna has to stand and deliver image rights and performance-related bonuses

“I thank QPR, who were the only club who wanted me.”

Julio Cesar finally explains why he went to Loftus Road

“Football teams in Italy traded on revenues and a certain amount of ego. We didn’t do this for ego. We are branding Rome.”

Calcio fans prefer good old-fashioned ego to Roma President James Pallotta’s management speak

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