Friday July 12 2013
Mock the Quotes: Silvio's blithe spirit

As Milan are haunted, Javier Zanetti is diplomatic and Adem Ljajic weighty, Susy Campanale sums up the week’s oddest statements.

“I am always here even in spirit so I will always come when called upon.”

Milan President Silvio Berlusconi is certainly haunting Max Allegri

“Cassano? I will not go into that matter – I will just say that we had an honest relationship.”

Translated: FantAntonio told Javier Zanetti where to stick his captain’s armband

“If a director leaves his phone on after a conversation and we hear him when he’s talking to someone else, it is certainly not our fault.”

Rupert Murdoch’s staff wonder why they didn’t use the line of defence

“How have I found Ljajic? A little fatter.”

Vincenzo Montella tells Adem a swollen ego adds 2kg

“It is difficult to deal with Porto, as they are a pricey boutique.”

Agent Salvatore Fiore recommends you buy one of their players, use him for one game and then take him back the next day for a refund

“The decision is definitive, unless something changes on the other side.”

Santos President Luis Alvaro de Oliveira Ribeiro slams the door ajar on Robinho

“What do I say after my first day of training? Well, I’ll certainly have to run much more than in England...”

Carlos Tevez asks if he can introduce a new golf-based training regime with mini-karts

“I have never spoken to Allegri. Perhaps at a certain point I should’ve stepped forward and done it. Instead I suffered in silence.”

Cristian Zaccardo felt like he was back in high school, going to the prom alone

“I will admit that I expected some more interest from the Milan directors, or for them to at least talk to me...”

Massimo Ambrosini is with Zaccardo, loitering aimlessly by the punch bowl

“When our season went really badly, we finished third. For other clubs, such as Inter and Juve, when they had a bad season they didn’t even finish on the podium.”

Adriano Galliani says Milan are the cash in the mattress to the boom and bust economy of Serie A rivals

“A few years ago Manchester City weren’t even in the Premier League, but they won it with me.”

And several hundred million pounds, Roberto Mancini...

“If Mario Balotelli focuses only on playing then he can be among the best, but he gets distracted by more or less everything.”

Mancini had to remove all shiny objects from the locker room

“I work because I want to become stronger than Balotelli. Milan are better than Juventus and can fight for the title.”

M’Baye Niang’s unwarranted self-confidence is so great that even The Apprentice contestants think he’s over-doing it

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