Sunday September 8 2013
Mock the Quotes: Kaka 2.0

Kaka is back at Milan, Marek Hamsik is compared to Steven Gerrard and Lazio make progress as Susy Campanale finds the week’s silliest statements.

“I’m used to a winning Milan.”

Oh Kaka, things have really changed...

“He didn’t want to leave four years ago, it was Milan who made the decision after the significant courtship of Real Madrid. Our relationship with him never ended, he was always in our hearts. We knew, sooner or later, that we would bring him home.”

Adriano Galliani shares the old maxim: if you love him, let him go for €65m

“We are still one of the top teams in Europe. What I’m basically saying is that Kaka is not joining a team made up of tramps.”

Galliani points out Gennaro Gattuso has now left

“Milan have a couple of centre-backs who are among the best in Italy.”

Who are they and why is Massimiliano Allegri keeping them hidden?

“Marek Hamsik doesn’t have Steven Gerrard’s strength, but he does have more tactical intelligence.”

And, adds Rafa Benitez, speaks better English

“We have to repeat this kind of performance 1,000 times in order to have a great season.”

Esteban Cambiasso says the fixture list is getting too packed now

“I want to play Sunday, Wednesday, Sunday.”

Someone tell Mario Gomez the Europa League is on a Thursday

“At the moment, I only rate Messi and Ronaldo above me, but that can change this season.”

Mario Balotelli’s standing could go up as well as down – unlike his ego, which remains on a constant upward trajectory

“We had a meeting with Sunderland and they said the lesion will take four to five weeks to recover from, so they decided to sign him anyway.”

Agent Roberto La Florio explains Andrea Dossena only needs the directions to one place at the Stadium of Light and that’s the treatment room

“When you don’t have money you have to use ingenuity and we are good at doing that in Italy.”

Antonio Conte embraces the Scugnizzo spirit

“The gap is not that big.”

Vladimir Petkovic was accurate – Juventus beat Lazio by only three clear goals this time. Progress!

“It is my European destiny. When I play against Pep Guardiola, one of my players always has to be sent off.”

That might be because they take a leaf out of Jose Mourinho’s utterly classless book

“Vincenzo Montella is calmer than I am and two years older. We’ll see who gets old first!”

Fabio Liverani has fundamentally misunderstood the concept of time

“My intentions for this season? I want to maintain the Coach without succumbing to outside pressures.”

Genoa President Enrico Preziosi also intends to begin weight-training and run marathons, but they’re not going to happen either

“I cannot say that I have been a Fiorentina fan since I was a kid because I would be lying.”

Ante Rebic is only 19, so he will learn that stock phrases and false childhood memories are the essence of a presentation Press conference

“In Rome there is only one boss though – and that’s Francesco Totti.”

Kevin Strootman includes the Italian Government and the Vatican in that territory

“We talk about him as an old player, but he’s a young old player.”

Giuseppe Sannino on the Curious Case of Alberto Paloschi

Keep up to date with the latest news and action from Spain's Primera Division with Football Espana - from the team behind Football Italia.

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