Sunday December 1 2013
They said what?!

Antonio Cassano bakes, Adriano Galliani roasts and Horacio Elizondo dummies as Susy Campanale has the week’s strangest quotes.

“I am the icing on a perfect cake.”

Antonio Cassano presents his Bake-Off Showstopper

“Milan was born before all of us, and will continue after us. Directors, coaches and players all come and go.”

Yet it feels like Adriano Galliani has been there forever, like the Easter Island statues

“I’ve received a severe blow to my reputation and I won’t stay here to burn on a slow fire.”

Galliani is instead roasting like chestnuts, a much more Christmassy image

“I was an adolescent when I started playing, I didn’t have much of a beard. Now my beard’s thicker and features a few more white hairs, but I’ve kept a bit of that positive craziness that has helped me over the years.”

Will Gigi Buffon follow teammate Andrea Pirlo in the facial hair department?

“This is the end. :-)”

Mario Balotelli’s enigmatic tweet: portent of doom for his Milan career, movie review or a sign he was listening to The Doors?

“That’ll solve my problem of having so many great midfielders, I’ll just play Arturo Vidal at the back!”

The Chilean scored a hat-trick three days later, so maybe Antonio Conte will try him up front instead

“Injuries must not be an alibi, but we are down to the bare bones.”

That does sound nasty, Stefano Colantuono – get to a hospital!

“In my view there are no foreigners: for me Javier Zanetti is Italian, Ronaldo was Italian.”

Massimo Moratti takes the name Internazionale a bit too literally

“I think Erick Thohir, like any good businessman, looked at my CV, what I achieved in my career and how I approach the job.”

Walter Mazzarri also had to write a covering letter on his strengths, weaknesses and where he sees himself in five years

“My team will never have the wrong attitude, because if I see someone who does, they’d do well not to get back into the locker room with me.”

Sinisa Mihajlovic keeps Sampdoria motivated in the same way a snapping Rottweiler at his heels motivates a runner

“I am going to Brazil, though I don’t know if on vacation or with the Azzurri.”

Cassano has his thong ready, regardless

“It is going to be a fundamental match for Chievo, as they are drowning and are desperate to get a result.”

Andrea Mandorlini provided a Verona-shaped rope for their cousins

“The point of football, first and foremost, is to entertain the people who go to the stadium in order to enjoy a match. Cheering on your team should be a fun thing!”

If Rudi Garcia were right about that, Roma would still have Zdenek Zeman in charge

“At the start Gervinho wasn’t liked in Italy, but the opinions about him have now changed.”

To be fair, Garcia, they had only seen his performances for Arsenal

“You win a race with horses, not donkeys.”

Carlo Ancelotti says football is a sprint, not a marathon

“It didn’t seem very correct, to me, to just BANG! take a red card out like that, as if from nowhere, with the crowd and players all having seen that I’d been in the other half and hadn’t seen anything. So, since the headsets were only new, I went over to Darío Garcia, but I knew Darío didn’t know anything! So, why? Well, because everyone understands if you go over to the assistant that it’s because the assistant is going to tell you something to help you make a decision. It was a little bit of a disguise, but it contained some truth as to how the decision was taken.”

The 2006 World Cup Final referee Horacio Elizondo reveals he played the teams and crowd a dummy when sending off Zinedine Zidane

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