Saturday December 28 2013
Quotes of 2013: Part 1

The first six months gave us Rafa Benitez and Marco Materazzi trading insults, Antonio Cassano’s antics and Delio Rossi’s life lessons. Susy Campanale rounds them up.

“He's lying. Marco Materazzi's lying. He's lying. Just lying. Everything he said is a lie. Everything that he talked about me, the things that he said about me, when he was talking with Jose Mourinho, is a lie because nobody knew that I was going to Inter - even me. He's a liar. About the pictures, he's lying, so he's a liar.”

Rafa Benitez urges you to inspect his pants, for they will be on fire

“If I am a liar then Benitez is thin.”

Materazzi reveals his inner Mean Girl

“Andrea Agnelli acted like a bitter spinster suffering from withdrawal symptoms.”

Catania President Antonino Pulvirenti gets out the actual handbags 

“Mario wanted to be immortalised in the pose after a goal: muscles in evidence and an expression to challenge the opponents. I imagined him as an athlete from ancient times. The statue will be between the classic and pop style, in platinum and coloured bronze with the eyes made of precious stones.”

Artist Livio Scarpella is confident Balotelli’s ego is not out of control after he commissioned a life-size statue of himself looking like a Greek God

“There's one difference between Mario and I – he probably likes being in the paper, whereas I don't. But I've done worse things in my life. I left training, I drove my car onto the pitch – you name it, I did it.”

Antonio Cassano reveals why Balotelli has that camouflage car – so he can drive it onto the field without being caught

“I wouldn’t have reacted that way to a referee. I’d have gone home and smashed a wardrobe.”

Tune in next week for Maurizio Zamparini’s handy hints and tips

“We were looking for the icing on the cake, but didn’t find it.”

Aurelio Andreazzoli couldn’t find the cake either. At most Roma’s season warranted a muffin.

“My career is not over. After such a long time, I needed a tyre change...”

Not only is Javier Zanetti the Bionic Man, he now reveals he’s also a Transformer!

“We at the Riformisti Italiani party see Luciano Moggi’s candidacy as the symbol of a political battle against the circus of media and judges who ruin lives and careers in Italy.”

I see Moggi running for office as the symbol of how messed up Italian politics is right now

“These atmospheric conditions were absurd.”

Cesare Prandelli saw Dali-style melting clocks after 120 minutes in the Brazilian heat

“David Beckham is a player of real class. However, you can’t wipe out his birth certificate and Milan have chosen to focus on youth.”

Said Massimiliano Allegri days before signing 31-year-old defender Cristian Zaccardo

“If you had told me as a young boy I would have played for and won trophies with my boyhood club Manchester United, proudly captained and played for my country over 100 times and lined up for some of the biggest clubs in the world, I would have told you it was a fantasy.”

If you had told young Beckham he’d be starring for LA Galaxy, he’d have said ‘Who?’

“We paid the price at Napoli when for the first 10 minutes we were basically on a guided tour of the stadium.”

Torino Coach Giampiero Ventura got lost in the gift shop

“People love me in Palermo; they stop me in the street and urge me to stay. You’re going to get the odd person spitting at your car, but it ends there.”

President Zamparini saw them as airborne globules of affection

“Am I afraid of President  Zamparini’s reputation for hiring and firing? No, the only thing I fear is death!”

Gennaro Gattuso laughs in the face of career suicide

“We worked on Diego Fabbrini in the dark? We were waiting on the river bank for the corpse to pass.”

Palermo general manager Pietro Lo Monaco used a little local parlance to describe the transfer

“I was giving tactical indications to my players when Nicolas Burdisso insulted me from a distance. How can a professional behave like this with a Coach? Why should I apologise? Nicolas Burdisso can’t give me lessons on how to behave. Someone who elbows and spits at players should just shut up.”

It would be like Delio Rossi lecturing someone on professional behaviour after punching his own player and flipping the bird at opponents. Ridiculo... oh wait...

“I cannot stay calm when I am insulted. Looking back, I can say I went too far, but I did not have the strength to hold myself back. My intention is not to get back into these ugly incidents, but I don’t know if I will manage it. I will try hard to hold myself back in every situation.”

The first step is acknowledging you have an anger problem and pledging to deal with it, which is why Rossi is still at the minus one step

“As has always happened, they’ll call me in and I’ll sign whatever they want me to.”

Esteban Cambiasso has an Inter contract and 27 timeshares

“I am the greatest! Wait, is that even possible? Alright, then I’m the greatest behind Ali!”

Zlatan Ibrahimovic floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee and has an ego the size of his transfer fee

“This year some of the fans sat and watched the game as if they were at the theatre.”

Antonio Conte notes Juventus Stadium crowds are a step above prawn sandwiches – more prawn canapés

“You had to keep him busy. We did a Christmas event for some children at the ground and Mario had to wait about half-an-hour to do his bit. We were thinking ‘what can we do with him? He’s going to be an absolute nightmare.’ He ended up sitting in on an interview with Joe Hart for 20 minutes, then someone gave him an iPad to play Angry Birds on.”

James Milner wonders if ADHD medication counts as doping

“Dear friends, I was booked for a mild case of drink-driving last night.”

Nicklas Bendtner explains Danish DUI cases are divided into mild, spicy and piri piri

“I say that for a sportsman after the age of 30 you become like a dog – each year is worth seven!”

Gigi Buffon reveals the secret to his longevity is snacking on Bonio

“We had Leo Messi in our grasp a few years ago, so we have more regrets over him than Robert Lewandowski!”

Regrets, Genoa President Enrico Preziosi has a few, but then again, far too many to mention

“Francesco Totti, you seem to go back in time instead of ageing.”

Buffon says the Roma captain has a Benjamin Button complex

“It is the most dangerous spot in Turin, especially at half-time. Conte storms in and – even when we are winning – throws anything he can get his hands on towards the wall, which is my spot. He’ll throw anything he can find, almost always plastic bottles full of water. Very fizzy water.”

Andrea Pirlo really does need the hair-dryer treatment after that

“On Monday I was a phenomenon, on Tuesday I was an idiot.”

Andreazzoli’s cover of Craig David song Seven Days needs a little work

“How was he positioned? He seemed like a pensioner. David Alaba shot from 120 metres away…”

Franz Beckenbauer claims Buffon is the real Old Lady at Juve

“Besides, pensioners are wise people…”

Prandelli notes that, like Buffon, pensioners have stirring tales of ending German campaigns. Twice.

“Pablo Daniel Osvaldo is an incredibly strong player, even if he is a bit mad in the head.”

Zibi Boniek wonders if that’s why the Roma striker is so good in the air

“Moratti confirmed me four days ago, so I doubt he has changed his mind in such a short space of time…”

Does Andrea Stramaccioni know anything about working in Italy?!

“Money is not enough to convince a wife. If she wants to sleep with someone else, then she will.”

Aurelio De Laurentiis now refers to Walter Mazzarri as ‘that brazen hussy’

“The players need to feel comfortable, you must never forget a birthday, sometimes it’s the little things that count.”

Roma boss Rudi Garcia says being a Coach is very much like being married to 25 people

“There’s a different quality of life abroad if you are a Coach, that is for sure. When you lose a game, you don’t have to be afraid that on the way home people are going to throw rocks at you.”

Prandelli pines for the good old days when tifosi only threw rotten tomatoes

“We are not like other clubs who qualify for a tournament, then regret it and want to be eliminated as soon as possible.”

Massimo Cellino is naming no Udineses, er, we mean names

“I would compare the situation of clubs to a manager put in prison because he had to sell helicopters to India and if he didn’t give a percentage to the Indian go-between, the helicopters wouldn’t get sold. Unfortunately, the clauses in most contracts now say you have to pay the agent a certain amount.”

Zamparini’s simile can be extended, for football is like modern warfare – you often end up getting shot at by weapons you sold

“I thank QPR, who were the only club who wanted me.”

Julio Cesar finally explains why he went to Loftus Road

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Have your say...
I really like Guidolin but I hate udinese seeing them in the lower half of the table almost brings me as much joy as seeing Milan down there
on the 28th December, 2013 at 8:28pm
While I think Guidolin has done considerably well with this Udinese team(loosing a host of his important players and still finish in a strong position)I blame them for tearing our 4th european tcket,and being a Viola fan fighting european place with Juve(scudetto birthright),Milan,Inter,Napoli for a spot can really get frustrating..well,I left Roma out of this list,am sorry but am not convinced,so Mas Cellino couldn't be more right
My regards to you Suzzy
Happy new year in advance
on the 28th December, 2013 at 3:47pm
Ah.. The good year... Thanks, Suzy, for reliving the calcio!
on the 28th December, 2013 at 12:53pm

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