Tuesday April 8 2014
They Said What?!

Erick Thohir cries as everyone else laughs, Milan do horoscopes and Alessandro Matri's secret identity in Susy Campanale's quotes of the week.

“Basically, either I have to laugh or cry!”

Considering Inter missed their first penalty in almost a year, Erick Thohir will cry and the rest of us laugh

“Jose Mourinho talks too much, whereas I like to let facts do the talking. At Liverpool I knocked his Chelsea out of the Champions League when we had half his money.”

Rafa Benitez is the Silent But Deadly One

“I’ve said to Clarence Seedorf that I hope he can emulate other Coaches who served during Berlusconi’s presidency and were born on April 1st. That is to say Arrigo Sacchi and Alberto Zaccheroni.”

Adriano Galliani chooses tacticians based on their horoscope

“We were a little annoyed by the excessive euphoria of Napoli, who after all only won one League game that is worth three points. They acted like one of those little provincial clubs who go mad after beating a big team.”

Juventus general manager Beppe Marotta finds joy to be positively uncouth

“The law is completely different in Italy, as the first sentence is only the first grade of the justice system. It’s like warming up!”

Massimo Cellino’s lawyers are warming up their wallets too

“It was like playing Playstation the way we couldn’t score!”

Walter Mazzarri has perfected the art of falling over your own feet in Pro Evolution Soccer

“Of course, if Mr Di Fiore is assigned to one of my games again, then I will suspend myself ahead of time, leaving the bench to my assistant.”

Sinisa Mihajlovic could just stay silent and not protest to the Fourth Official, but we all know that’s not going to happen

“We were facing a Napoli side that was built to win and not to take part. After all, a club that spends more than €100m on the transfer market cannot be happy just to take part.”

Antonio Conte scoffs at the Olympic spirit

“I don't want to resort to moaning and talking about regrets.”

Hernanes joined the wrong club

“Fortunately I am a Coach, not an accountant. I leave the sums to the President, I deal with tactics and other things.”

Carlo Ancelotti only likes to count as far as the number of trophies he has won

“He moves like a striker and creates scoring opportunities with his movements.”

Vincenzo Montella wonders if Alessandro Matri is just a mime artist who got taken seriously

“Has the storm passed? I don’t know, I didn’t create the storm.”

Clarence Seedorf would make a terrible weatherman

“Einstein was right when he said it’s harder to crack a prejudice than an atom.”

Tick Albert Einstein off your Mihajlovic Press Conference Bingo card

“Casa Milan will be much more than a simple home. There will be a museum, a megastore and a restaurant inspired by the food that our champions eat.”

We’re guessing Barbara Berlusconi won’t put humble pie on the menu

“The winning mentality is one of those things about Juventus that, deep down, we Romanisti have always envied.”

Paulo Roberto Falcao reveals the secret Roma fans didn’t want you to know

“In theory I should support Juventus, but I can’t do it, not against my Napoli!”

Montella has to draw the line somewhere

“There were some eggs thrown and a few insults, but overall not that bad.”

Marotta knows you can’t make a Neapolitan omelette without throwing some eggs and adding a soupcon of abuse

“There are many forwards I fear facing in Serie A, but then I have the privilege of training with Antonio Di Natale.”

Simone Scuffet admits it’s like an arachnophobe playing with spiders every day

“The red card was on purpose, as every time I’m suspended we seem to win!”

Absence makes Mihajlovic’s team grow fonder

“You do not choose a national team so as to find a place in it. I have always said that I feel Argentine and I had to play for Argentina, with all due respect to Italy.”

We get the feeling Diego ‘Brazil and Spain caps’ Costa won’t agree with Mauro Icardi

“The players who don’t play must be dropped because in the field they must spit blood, spit blood, spit blood!”

Ex-Catania director Pietro Lo Monaco says the key to success is chronic gingivitis

“Balotelli took up his position, they both fell and in getting back up Balotelli put his foot on Frey’s intimate parts. Nicolas pushed him away because it hurt, which is an instinctive reaction.”

Eugenio Corini scraps video evidence in favour of audio evidence – anyone would recognise that squeal of pain

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