Sunday April 27 2014
They Said What?!

Mario Balotelli is a top pundit, Claudio Ranieri is cuckolded and Sao Paulo would never sign Iain Dowie in Susy Campanale's Quotes of the Week.

“You don’t understand anything about football. Trust me, you really don’t. It isn’t nice? I don’t care. I don’t care.”

Mario Balotelli might not be a top player, but he'd be a top pundit - better than any of you

“A Coach is like a cuckolded husband – always the last to know!”

Claudio Ranieri’s career is like a one-man episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show

“Tennis players and goalkeepers are very much the same.”

Mattia Perin also makes unpleasant grunting noises on a regular basis

“How was I able to lift Jose Mourinho? He is small and there he was as light as a butterfly.”

Marco Materazzi reveals a hidden side to the Special One – or maybe his ego was so inflated that it acted as an internal hot air balloon

“Mou was like a gust of wind, or a huge thunderstorm.”

And Massimo Moratti continues the blowing hot air metaphor

“For us Kaka would be perfect. He has the face of someone from Sao Paulo, he is beautiful, good, speaks well and has all his teeth.”

This is why Sao Paulo President Carlos Miguel Adair never signed Iain Dowie

“Alvaro Recoba was a bit like Inter: always surprising. He was at times lazy, but could also do things nobody had seen before.”

Moratti harks back to the non-glory days

“Those who live by the 94th minute sword, die by the 94th minute sword.”

Giampiero Ventura turns to the Bible after Torino win in stoppages and then concede in injury time a week later

“How did you save that, you son of a bitch?!”

Antonio Cassano compliments Samir Handanovic on his penalty parry in typically gentlemanly fashion

“The Stadio Sant’Elia is a pile of rubble that cannot be recovered. The team is suffering, as we are in pieces both physically and psychologically. If we stay in Serie A it’s less credit to us and more a sign of how bad others are doing.”

Massimo Cellino might have to work on his sales pitch when seeking new Cagliari investors

“Leeds United? It’s a bloodbath.”

Cellino’s pep talks also require a little help

“It’s not easy to buy mentality on the market.”

Rafa Benitez forgets the ability to instil a winning mentality is the only reason Napoli hired him

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you truly loved the first, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with the second.”

If either of those people is Mauro Icardi, you should probably reconsider your taste in men

“Am I perplexed on the club’s failure to make my position clear? You’d have to ask the club that.”

Milan will tell the media how Clarence Seedorf feels and then pass the message on to him so he can experience emotions

“There is no more Neapolitan player than Marek Hamsik.”

Aurelio De Laurentiis only has one local lad in the team and it ain’t him

“As a player Fiorentina had signed me, but then sent me over to a satellite club Follonica because I was too short. I didn’t really like playing, as I didn’t have the character for it.”

Young Walter Mazzarri was both petite and petulant – the double whammy

“Atletico were frustrated, whereas usually they are the ones who frustrate other teams.”

Mourinho can rest safe in the knowledge they both frustrated anyone who sat through that dirge of a semi-final

“I think in a career 90 per cent of it is hard work, hunger, desire and coming from the streets. Those who come from the streets rarely fall back down.”

Materazzi worked his way up from the mean streets of Rome to the world of football, despite his father being a successful Coach

“This season we’ve always had Roma with a pitchfork pointed at our backs, keeping us on alert.”

Antonio Conte felt like Frankenstein’s Monster on the run from villagers

“We have to thank Roma, as they keep us alive and remind us how difficult it is to win every single time. They deserve praise, as they are making sure we really enjoy this title because it is so hard-fought.”

And Roma thank Giorgio Chiellini’s Juventus for overshadowing their own record-breaking campaign. Thanks a LOT.

“As far as I am concerned, there is absolutely no chance I won’t be the Fiorentina Coach next season, unless the club decides to kick me out.”

Or, as the Italian papers will report that comment, Vincenzo Montella leaves door open for Viola exit

“If I think back to years ago, when our football was at the top, instead of squandering nefarious amounts on signings, Presidents could have invested a few million in stadiums. It was a scandalous choice.”

Except, CONI President Giovanni Malago, Italian football wouldn’t have been at the top without so many star players

“For me it would have to change, because you cannot play there in the summer, even as Qatar would like that, but in the winter.”

You’d think Sepp Blatter would’ve brought that up earlier, for example before voting for Qatar as World Cup hosts

“This is my last contract. I’ll do what Alex Ferguson did. He went at 72, and I’ll be gone a year earlier.”

Giovanni Trapattoni calls both Fergie and Fabio Capello wimps

“Handanovic did well last year, when he also had the ghost of Julio Cesar to drive off.”

Gianluca Pagliuca thought the Ghostbusters themed Inter strip was a bit much, though

“I hope that the club will not suspend me, but with me you never know!”

Atalanta can say with 99 per cent probability that trouble follows Marko Livaja

“Do PSG comply with the rules of Financial Fair Play? I am not sure…”

Michel Platini tries to find a nice way of saying ‘no’

“The rivalry between Fiorentina and Juve is bigger than the one between Milan and Inter.”

Massimo Ambrosini is only half right there

“Lazio are the biggest club in the capital.”

Which unit of measurement is Keita Balde Diao using to reach that conclusion?

“It’s important to maintain a good relationship between the clubs. I believe there has to be mutual respect. Not just secret talks and striking a deal with the players without the club knowing. I don’t think that’s right.”

Erick Thohir has a lot to learn about football

“Gonzalo Higuain and I will show Javier Mascherano some photos of Naples and aim to convince him to join Napoli.”

Federico Fernandez introduces the Tripadvisor approach to transfer negotiations

Keep up to date with the latest news and action from Spain's Primera Division with Football Espana - from the team behind Football Italia.

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