Saturday May 17 2014
They Said What?!

Diego Maradona's Messiah complex, the Italian Samir Nasri's girlfriend and the definition of violence in Susy Campanale's Quotes of the Week.

“I am not on the same wavelength as De Laurentiis. I want to be ambassador for Napoli, but only if it is a grand Napoli. Pope Francis needs to change the Vatican to give it to the people.”

Diego Armando Maradona orders about both Aurelio De Laurentiis and Pope Francis, proving his Messiah complex is as rock solid as ever

“Twitter will be the first item on the agenda in the retreat, because they can be a problem, as can the tweets of family members.”

Cesare Prandelli doesn’t want to discover an Italian version of Samir Nasri’s girlfriend

“Italy are a strange side, as we need a bit of itching powder on the backside to get us going. History teaches us this.”

Gennaro Gattuso suggests the Azzurri stop by the joke shop on the way to Brazil

“I met many people at the home for the elderly. They could control the Milan locker room pretty well.”

Considering their age, Silvio Berlusconi, they could also be President of Milan

"Don't ask me these questions. I know I've been working as a Coach for three months, but I've been in the football world for 22 years and I am not stupid.”

Clarence Seedorf assures he’s an old head on young shoulders, which should please Berlusconi

“I felt even more p***ed off now than two years ago at the Euros...”

Domenico Criscito is starting to wonder if he was touched by Bela Guttmann’s curse

“Criscito? That was a technical choice and with all due respect, I have not left at home Antonio Cabrini or Paolo Maldini.”

Prandelli assures the Zenit defender he won’t be missed

“Mimmo will have to get over it and maybe, imitating Prandelli’s unpleasant sarcasm, console himself with the knowledge he was left behind by – with all due respect – the ex-Venezia Coach and not Vittorio Pozzo or Enzo Bearzot.”

Criscito’s agent Claudio Pasqualin reminds fans Cesare is one of many, many tacticians fired by Maurizio Zamparini

“You don’t have the necessary requisites for this Nazionale: too ethically correct, too many appearances, too many goals, too talented! Sorry, friend.”

Luca Antonini tells Alberto Gilardino that nice guys really do finish last

“In 2003, Leonardo and Braida told me that I would have to go on loan at PSG because Milan already had Rui Costa and Rivaldo.”

Kaka confirms Milan’s dumb transfer strategy stretches back decades

“People said that after Luciano Moggi and Calciopoli football had been cleaned up, but nothing has changed! Livorno were damaged too, as the only real game last Sunday was Bologna-Catania.”

President Aldo Spinelli naturally blames the Powers That Be for Livorno’s complete inability to defend

“I wasn’t trying to elbow him, as I was just trying to block him from moving out of the wall, the same way you do in basketball.”

Giorgio Chiellini merely stopped Miralem Pjanic from moving by pinning him back with the pointy part of his arm

“I have looked again and again at what Chiellini did. For me, it is not a violent act.”

Prandelli made it into a gif so it looks like the Juve defender is dancing

“I am against the use of video evidence in games, as I think there are enough referees to judge a situation.”

The fact Mattia Destro received a three-match ban based on television footage is unconnected to this opinion

“You’re going to Brazil in a wheelchair.”

Livorno fans chant at Giuseppe Rossi, suddenly making everyone else glad they’re going back to Serie B

“How do I want to be remembered? As a good person.”

Javier Zanetti, still being so awesome that he makes everyone else look bad by comparison

“Are Sassuolo too euphoric right now? It’s only right we have enthusiasm, as this year we got slapped many times.”

Eusebio Di Francesco reveals what gets the Neroverdi going

“Obviously, if I don’t have any offers that interest me then I’d stay home, but after two or three months I’d start driving my family crazy!”

Antonio Conte arranges his breakfast in a 3-5-2 formation

“Balotelli needs to learn how to score goals.”

Berlusconi probably should’ve thought of that before paying €20m for him

“This relegation shows a lot of people that it is not me who is responsible.”

Except that Catania improved markedly after Gigi De Canio was sacked and the damage had already been done, of course

“How did my season go? I can say that in February I was literally resuscitated.”

Andrea Ranocchia has literally misunderstood the word literally

“I couldn’t breathe and asked to go to hospital. From the initial test they could already tell my lung was no longer there.”

Reading Christian Maggio’s description of a collapsed lung has just made you breathe a bit weird for a second. Admit it.

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Have your say...

Agreed, that was excellent!
on the 21st May, 2014 at 9:26am
I could not stop laughing hen I read this one:

“Criscito? That was a technical choice and with all due respect, I have not left at home Antonio Cabrini or Paolo Maldini.”

Way to go Prandelli !!! LMAO
on the 20th May, 2014 at 6:50pm
Great column, thank you Susy !
on the 18th May, 2014 at 7:57pm

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