Sunday August 10 2014
They Said What?!

Daniel Osvaldo follows the Rolling Stones, Marouane Fellaini mistake and Milan's transfer strategy summed up in Susy Campanale's quotes of the week.

“My favourite band is the Rolling Stones, as I love the classics. I tell the fans we’ll do everything we can to give you joy. Or should I say Satisfaction...”

Much like the Rolling Stones, Pablo Daniel Osvaldo is living off past glories and dragging his overpaid carcass around Europe

“Is Marouane Fellaini close? I don't see him...”

He’s behind you, Rafa Benitez! No, wait, that’s a tree.

“We are not working to impress anyone in our pre-season friendlies.”

Mission accomplished, Pippo Inzaghi

“How do I respond to those who say I am not the right person for Inter? I am never the right person…”

Just call Osvaldo Mr Right Now

“Would I be Maurizio Zamparini’s doorman? Unfortunately for him, the Federation is not one of his businesses. He only knows how to control in an autocracy.”

Come on Demetrio Albertini, everyone knows Zampa is a dictator and proud

“They are a bunch of fools. They also tried to include me. Urbano Cairo and Andrea Agnelli telephoned me but I sent them to hell!”

That’s practically Zamparini’s way of saying good morning

“Insults from Zamparini are like a medal of honour.”

Urbano Cairo says you haven’t made it in calcio until the Palermo President puts you on his hitlist

“Not even John F Kennedy’s assassin had to suffer what I’ve been through over the last few days.”

Carlo Tavecchio expects to be shot by Juventus goalkeeper Jack Rubinho

“I note that Claudio Lotito is omnipresent at the meetings, even more so than the two candidates.”

Albertini says the puppet master could at least try to keep the strings hidden

“Tavecchio made a formal apology. Besides, if we had to judge every word someone said, we’d be arguing for years.”

Parma general manager Pietro Leonardi stands by the wisdom of ages: let he who is without sin cast the first banana

“I think there’s still a chance of seeing him with a Rossoneri jersey. It can be finished off in the last week of August when QPR realise they have no other options.”

FIFA agent Vincenzo Morabito sums up their entire transfer strategy. Milan: the safety school of football

“Maybe my ex-teammates will be a little tired from their journey, or if they want to go out the night before the match I can recommend a few places...”

Alessandro Del Piero combines business with pleasure to put Juve off their game in Sydney

“I personally don’t like comparisons, but they used to call me the Venezuelan Gennaro Gattuso.”

No wonder Tomas Rincon doesn’t like comparisons

“Stefan De Vrij wanted to learn the Italian art of defending.”

Agent Alex Kroes knows you need to grab the shirt from a particular angle

“Pepe Reina was prepared to undertake this adventure, although he knows he has Manuel Neuer ahead of him, a first-choice keeper who will, provided nothing untoward happens, remain number one.”

Karl-Heinz Rummenigge advises Neuer not to let Reina stand behind him at the top of stairs, just in case...

“Unfortunately we are poor!”

Atalanta President Antonio Percassi reveals their football boots are just cardboard boxes with a bit of string

“Comparisons with Gary Medel? I hope for him that he has my temperament!”

We hope for him the Chilean has more skill than Gattuso

“When Juventus contacted me, I asked the Italian directors, why me? And they presented me with an interesting project, not the usual blah blah blah.”

Kingsley Coman may only be 18, but he’s already heard enough bull to last a lifetime

“I want to play against Mario Balotelli, he is a player with unique qualities who I still haven’t faced.”

We’re sure 35-year-old Verona signing Rafael Marquez will cover more distance during a game than Balo

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