Friday December 2 2011
Mock the Quotes: “You’re not Diego…”

A Roma punch, a gunpoint robbery and a rampant young Coach. Susy Campanale presents this week’s Mock the Quotes.

“Shut your mouth, you’re not Maradona.”

Erik Lamela got himself punched by Pablo Daniel Osvaldo for that? It’s not exactly a revelation, is it?

“It has to be said, Roma aren’t doing much better than we are in terms of controversy this week...”

Manuel Pasqual concedes a locker room punch-up beats two Fiorentina players fined for staying out a bit late

“Naples is no more violent than Milan or Rome, which I would call the real crime capital of Italy. I would like to tell Yanina that during a recession she shouldn’t go round with a Rolex on her wrist. Her scared reaction is justified. Maybe she’s not yet ‘Neapolitan’ enough to deal with this sort of thing.”

Aurelio De Laurentiis has an interesting way of comforting Ezequiel Lavezzi’s girlfriend after she was robbed at gunpoint. Empathy really not his strong point

“Conte is one of the most rampant young Coaches around.”

Steady on, Fabio Capello...

“This win is dedicated to all those who believed that Palermo was Delio Rossi and that the club did not count for anything. Fortunately there are few that think this, but my dedication is to them and them alone. Yes I enjoyed the win a lot, I enjoyed it twice over.”

Maurizio Zamparini’s not bitter

“This Calciopoli roundtable is only of use to say ‘alright, let’s forget we’ve forgotten everything and move on.’ This is what I want to say, above all.”

One suspects Massimo Moratti will be the only one saying that

“I read that someone called me wet. But what does it mean? I am respectful, someone who has never looked to argue with what you write about. But I’m not bailing out. I am not ‘wet’. I can be nice or nasty.”

Alberto Malesani, a man who is dry as a bone. Apparently.

“It’s obvious that I should have made some different decisions in the past. Had I done that then I could have won the Ballon d’Or.”

Or, Adrian Mutu, at least not be playing for Cesena

“When will I talk about the Scudetto? Never.”

Antonio Conte will also put his fingers in his ears and shout ‘lalalalala’

“It was a defeat, nothing more.”

In Italy, Luis Enrique, that’s plenty

“We’ve got to be more carefree in our attacking approach.”

Eusebio Di Francesco might also ask Lecce to be less carefree in their defending

“The fact remains we’re running out of time. Enough walking, it’s time to start running.”

Claudio Ranieri’s next step for Inter will be Zumba

“Let’s just say the tactics are like a Rubik’s Cube and I’ll keep on trying.”

If that doesn’t work, Rossi will continue the 80s theme by hiring a Cabbage Patch Doll as his assistant manager

“The final 120 seconds were fatal. After this game, you have to go in the locker room, look each other in the eye and not say very much.”

Giuseppe Sannino gives Siena the silent treatment

“We must win them all.”

Andrea Ranocchia takes the Pokemon approach to Serie A

“Of course, when a Brazilian player sits on the bench they get very upset still.”

Robinho has to be on his feet, whether it’s playing or dancing

“Someone’s playing dirty tricks and probably someone wants to get back to work. I love football and don’t want to see it manhandled.”

Malesani is all for fair play, especially when it comes to his own job

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